Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

I arrived at the main post office in town just after nine o'clock this morning to find a notice on the door informing me that they now don't open on Tuesdays (a busy market day) until 9:30. because of staff training. (What did they do about staff training previously though when they opened at 9:00?)

With The Post Office being a Crown building I was always under the impression that they were required to open their doors promptly at nine o'clock...people are depending on them for pensions and benefits.

Twenty minutes later I returned from the market and joined a long queue outside the building. When I finally got served I told the counter clerk that I wasn't impressed with the reduced opening hours. She said that it wasn't her fault; I disagreed, telling her that either she agreed with the new policy, or she didn't but hadn't done anything about reversing the decision...either way it's her fault...personally.

She just continued to serve me in silence.

Does your favourite book smell like textured circles? Do you dislike the personality of your bedroom's doorframe? Do you see white when you stub your toe?

These are just some specific manifestations of a fascinating medical condition called synesthesia. Over the centuries many creative people have experienced the condition; I've deliberately not used the word 'suffer' because most people consider to it be a blessing and certainly don't want 'curing'.

I think it's caused by the brain confusing sensory input somehow. I've been aware of the condition for quite a while and use its described effects on other people in my poetry workshops by setting participants a series of questions such as:

What colour is thunder?
What does lightning smell like?
What do you hear when you lick a stamp?
What does breathing taste like?

I've had some very interesting results and good poetry produced by people who otherwise considered themselves not to be creative.

A few years ago this used to be Mansfield, until the freight only line between Worksop and Nottingham was re-opened to passenger services. I'm not sure what town has this dubious distinction now.

On a related theme, for many years Sheffield was the largest city in Europe without an airport; Sheffield City Airport opened about a dozen years ago but is scheduled to be closed in the near future...it was doomed to failure from the start due to its inappropriate location and funding regime. So the city's only claim to an airport now will be the ludicrously-named Doncaster/Sheffield Robin Hood International Airport at the old R.A.F. base at Finningley.

I've just discovered the 'random page' function on the wikipedia homepage. I'd not used it before, but have now spent several hours just flicking through all sorts of topics. It's introducing me to yet another whole new world to explore...more useless information buzzing about in my head though.

Continuing on the sporting theme from my previous post...

I've been enjoying watching the Six Nations rugby internationals on TV. Although I live on the edge of rugby league territory I must admit that I much prefer the rugby union code of the game; I find rugby league to be too much influenced by American football with all the razzmatazz...and, of course, there's certainly not the same organised international competition available (or even any sort of North/South rivalry within England.)

I recently visited the Unibond Premier League website (as I often do) to check the position of Frickley Athletic in the table. They're currently in second place and therefore have a good chance of achieving promotion to the northern section of the Football Conference.

When I used to live at Thurnscoe I was a season ticket holder at Westfield Lane but I've not watched the team since moving to Doncaster eight years ago. It's not difficult to reach South Elmsall (where the team plays) on the bus or train; but the combined cost of admission and fares is just too prohibitive for me...and this is just to attend semi-professional football matches.

After recently posting a list of what I imagined to be the most boring sites on the web, here's a list of some sites dealing with very unusual subjects (not always that obvious from the titles either.)

Write in Blood

Sleeping in Airports

Corpse Friend

Flying Spoons

God Hates Figs

Sandals and Socks

Brick Testament

Dead Gnomes

Trepanning Village (in Cornwall!)

Maggot Art

Rate My Cow

Living Coffin

Wheelbarrow Freestyle

Breastfeeding Men

Pirate Name

Penguin Dream

Shopping Trolley Abuse

Bone Chapel

Marry Ugly Millionaires

Cheap Time Travel

Dog Dancing

Missing Socks

Pets in Clothes

Children - I don't have any (and don't want any)

Redundancy - I'm unemployed

Debt - I don't have any; if I can't afford something, I don't buy it

Retirement - Financially I'll actually be at least fifty percent better off than I am now...an almost unique position!

My health - Fortunately it's good at the moment (I am concerned that I'm not eating a particularly healthy diet though)

Crime - My house is very secure and I'm a big man and so people wouldn't want to threaten me...I'm always wary though.

Well...actually, this is my 401st. post; I didn't realise in time.

At first I thought it would be difficult to write two posts a day for seven months as it's been now, but I've been surprised how easy it has been - things that are on my mind, my hopes and fears, rare surges of creativity and inspiration or just copying and pasting interesting stuff I find on the net.

Why do I do it? Therapy mainly... and the opportunity to communicate with people and be a part of something I suppose.

Ingrown hairs and baked beans

Ice skates and missing fingers

David Beckham paid my mortgage

Penguin in a backpack

Car snooker

Was President Kennedy a sausage?

Pets in the microwave

Cornflakes and masturbation

There are many more of them, these are just the highlights from the first five pages...there are thirty two pages in total.

I managed to buy a large box of Danish Cookies for only 49p this morning: because of the Arab/Muslim boycott of Danish products brought on by the Mohammed cartoon controversy I've been looking forward to seeing cheap produce on the shelves for a few days now.

Surprisingly though, the box is overprinted in Hebrew; I thought the Israelis might have been more supportive of the Danes, especially since the editor of the newspaper that printed the cartoon is Jewish.

Never mind; I'll just enjoy eating the biscuits.

...and thought I might as well answer the questions.

1...Last incoming phonecall?...From a telephone survey company (I'm on one of their consumer panels; I get a fiver a month for my time!)

2...Last outgoing phonecall?...North Doncaster Community Transport (I'm starting doing some voluntary work there next week.)

3...Last thing downloaded onto my computer?...Listening to live internet radio broadcasts.

4...Furthest place I've ever travelled to?...Cambrils, south of Barcelona.

5...Apart from commuting to work [I'm unemployed], the last place I travelled to on public transport?...Thurnscoe, on the way to Barnsley (to visit my parents).

6...Last email I sent?...a blog comment.

7...Last email I received (and actually opened)?...A newsletter from an online poetry magazine.

8...Last time I travelled on a boat?...Last year, on the community barge operated by the charity where I was on employment placement.

9...Last time I flew?...I've never flown.

10..Rolls Royce or Ferrari?...Neither, I can't drive.

A list of boring sites found on a website portal.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

How to shovel snow

World of concrete

Watching water freeze

Airport luggage carrousels

Luxury shed calendar

Parking lots

Traffic roundabouts

Snow globes

Street furniture

Grocery shopping lists

The shoelace site

Barometer world.

Pylon of the month

Urinal net

* * * * * * * * * * * *

It takes all sorts; people are obviously genuinely interested in these subjects.

I went to sign on at the jobcentre yesterday and told them about my intention to start doing some voluntary work again and that I needed to know what degree of commitment I'd be able to give without it threatening my entitlement to benefits.

All I was required to do though was fill in and sign a simple form (that makes a change - most DSS forms are very long and complicated!) To be honest, the staff didn't seem to care what I did, or didn't do; this might have something to do with the fact that up to a quarter of them are likely to be made redundant during the next few months.

...which sound rude (or maybe ought to be the names of characters in 'Lord of the Rings'), but actually aren't.

bastinado

boondoggle

bugaboo

crapulous

eructation

expiscate

homswoggle

jillick

scuttlebutt

snollygoster

Just four examples I came across online:

Most shampoos and conditioners...
...preventing silver from tarnishing
...softening your feet
...preventing shoes from squeaking
...covering up scratches on wodden furniture.

Alka-Seltzer...
...cleaning toilet bowls
...unblocking sinks and drains (I find that boiling water is very effective though)
...soothing insect bites.

Powdered milk...
...cleaning silver
...mix with water and add dye to make paint (I'm sure it would be far cheaper though just to buy the paint in the first place.)

Any brand of toothpaste...
...fills cracks and small holes in plaster, prior to decorating.

Headcheese

Choco Dogs

Cheddar Coffee

Banana Worm Bread

Leafhopper Blox

Cricket Cookies

Make Me Sick

Scrambled Brains

Mustard Crunchies

Sunflower Worcestershire Delight

Chocolate Gravy and Biscuits

Rootworm Beetle Dip

Fried Hornworms

Pig's Face and Cabbage

Grasshopper Gumbo

These are all genuine recipes submitted to a U.S. website. Reading them, doesn't the sound of them just roll off your tongue?

Yesterday I wanted to find some additional articles about BBC biased reporting of the news and so typed the words 'BBC biased reporting' into Google News, but all I got was all the BBC's own reports on biased reporting elsewhere...certainly not what I was looking for!

I've since checked other news aggregator search engines and they don't seem to have this problem though.

This is the question my mum always asks me at the end of every telephone conversation. What does she mean? What is she trying to tell me? I don't know; maybe I should just ask her one day...it wouldn't be easy though.

Of course, my answer to her question is always, "No."

From next year speed cameras will no longer have to be easily visible to motorists again.

So, what's their purpose then; to improve road safety, to slow down traffic or merely to raise revenue for The Treasury? I don't know, I can't drive.

Thank you Tony Blair...we all appreciate that choice is a good thing.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

British Gas has recently announced a 22% price increase for both its gas and electricity consumers. Personally speaking I know that the cost of my electricity has increased several times within the last few months, and will soon again; likewise local bus fares have gone up four times in a year. I bet that wages, pensions and benefits of the poorest members of society won't be adjusted to help offset these additional costs for life's necessities.

I accidently came across these terms whilst looking for differences between varieties of English around the world. If you're interested in finding out what they mean just use Google...there's always something new to learn!

wolf bagging

Hot Carl

Pink Pierre

Mississippi hogback growler

Cleveland steamer

hot ox

Norwegian tickler

duck juice

urethra Franklin

dog in a bathtub

filthy Sanchez

burying Elvis

upper decker

the rodeo

Online I've been viewing a few professionally-produced videos on the subject...but I don't believe a word of what they are saying. They are all claiming basically the same thing; that the planes that were supposedly hijacked and crashed into the World Trade Center were in fact military aircraft that actually fired missiles before crashing into the building themselves. Additionally they are claiming that the plane that was forced down in a field in Pennsylvania by an onboard passenger revolt was in reality shot down, or even forced to land at an airbase...and, of course, The Pentagon explosion was caused by a cruise missile. Apparently it's all part of a Zionist plot to take over the world...what a load of rubbish!

I've only one question I'd like to ask these deluded fantasists. If all these allegations are true, where are the hundreds of passengers who were apparently on these flights that didn't really crash into the Twin Towers, The Pentagon and a field in Pennsylvania?

A week or so ago my father bought what was obviously a very expensive and well-made pair of shoes from a charity shop for only £5. They were made in England (very rare these days) with real leather uppers and are oil and heat resistant to 200 joules (whatever that means)...they seem to be designed for wearing in some sort of industrial environment; yet are still very smart.

Unfortunately, because of all this protection they provide, they are very heavy; I estimate at least 5lbs for the pair; and my dad found it very difficult walking in them, and so he's now given them to me. I've gratefully accepted this gift; and briefly tried them on when visiting my parents yesterday: wearing them is the strangest experience...my feet felt as though they were stuck to the ground; and when I went for a bit of a walk around the house it seemed very much like hard work. I will be wearing them though; I don't believe in being wasteful of resources...I'll only be visiting the local shops whilst wearing them though.

Unclaimed Baggage Center

Museum of Pawn

Cafeteria Dedicated To A Cannibal

Grave of America's Favourite Cannibal

World's Largest Ball Of Barbed Wire

The 'Hitler Head' Trashcan

Grave of 'King Neptune' The Pig

Westgate Museum Of Necromancy

Arm Of The Unknown Soldier

Circus Train Wreck Memorial

Hoegh Pet Casket Factory Tours

Mr. Chicken And The Plastic-legged Rooster

I've only just noticed the new improved profile page including the number of profile views. I'll have to start looking at it more often now because I like statistics...I already quite frequently look at my stats page.

I've observed that on a few days I receive hundreds of pageviews (sometimes only a few individual visitors, yet others over a hundred even.) I'm assuming that all this extra interest is being taken in my blog by spammers; but why, and what are they doing? Is this additional traffic actually trigged by human beings, or some type of robotic crawlers?

There surely must be some purpose to all this activity; because it's not only my blog that's affected.

Death by lava lamp.

Chimney Cleaning Grenade.

Plug Me In!

Hurricane News Junkie.

Freeway Dangler.

Eel Enema.

Bullet-Brain.

I've not provided the details; they're very complicated - but they can can found at:-

http://www.darwinawards.com

Last night M.P.s voted for a total ban on smoking in pubs and clubs despite the government having stated in its election manifesto that it was only intending proposing a limited ban; excluding all private clubs and pubs that don't serve food from the terms of the legislation.

Now, being a non-smoker I actually fully agree with the total ban, but the government was elected to pursue only a partial ban and that's not what's been delivered. If a political manifesto is to be viewed as a contract between the state and the citizenry, then on this occasion, the state is in breach of the terms and its representatives should surely be held responsible...a new election?...impeachment?...fines or imprisonment?

Of course democracy isn't perfect, and I'm no big fan of parliamentary democracy as it's practised here in Britain; but I don't have the answer.

An Air Conditioning System...Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioner out of windows.

Blow Dryer...Warning: Do Not Use While Sleeping.

Rowenta Iron...Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

McDonald's Coffee...Warning: Contents may be hot.

Tesco Fruit Juice Carton...On bottom side; 'Keep Upright.'

Sainbury's Mineral Water...Suitable for vegetarians.

Batman Costume...Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly.

Various Computers...Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue.

Toilet Plunger...Caution: Do not use near power lines (is this possibly a U.S. term for household power cables?)

Christmas Lights...Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Fire Extinguisher...Caution: Non-Flammable.

Mattress...Warning: Do not attempt to swallow (Is this safe sex advice?)

Since yesterday my computer has been infested with pop-ups from online casino sites...I'm not even the least bit interested in gambling so this is especially annoying. It was so bad this morning that I totally lost any control whatsoever. I've only managed to successfully get online again by accessing the internet via MSN Messenger.

My friend should be able to purge my computer of the problem; but it might be a few days until he can get around to doing it. It's my first major problem in the seven months I've been online, so I can't really complain, can I?

I hate the damned things! I've just spent half an hour this morning killing several dozen.

It's not just that they eat my plants, but I also have to prevent them fron getting into the house. A couple of years ago I was infested with slugs; every morning I would discover up to half a dozen of the things in my kitchen...not just on the floor; but in the sink, on the working surfaces and even climbing up cupboards. Of course their slime trails were everywhere and although I did my best to clean them up, over a period of several months I still inadvertently ingested some of the bacteria or poisons present in the slime and became quite ill.

Salt seems to do the trick though in killing them and keeping them at a safe distance. At the time I liberally spread it on the floor and all over the surfaces and spent at least thirty minutes every day on the front line in the garden exterminating them.

The battle is continuing....no surrender!!!

Incidents and anecdotes associated with the use of Daylight Saving Time.

Live webcam feeds from famous tourist locations around the world (you can even take control of some of the cameras.)

A guide to the correct use of Catalan typography.

The history of thermometers.

Enclaves of the world - there are actually hundreds of them (including over a dozen enclaves within an enclave and one example of an enclave within an enclave within an enclave.)

No cows may be driven down the roadway between 10 AM and 7 PM unless there is prior approval from the Chief Constable.

All land must be left to the eldest son.

Since 1313, MPs are not allowed to don armor in Parliament.

Those wishing to purchase a television must also buy a license...unfortunately the government and the BBC don't think this is a strange, out-dated law at all.

With the exception of carrots, most goods may not be sold on Sunday.

All English males over the age 14 are to carry out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week supervised by the local clergy.

London Hackney Carriages (taxis/cabs) must carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats.

It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises (in a pub or bar).

It is illegal for two adult men to have sex in the same house as a third person.

Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).

Chelsea Pensioners may not be impersonated.

A bed may not be hung out of a window.

It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on a public conveyance.

Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked manequin.

It is illegal for a Member of Parliament to enter the House of Commons wearing a full suit of armour.

It is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle.

Committing suicide is classified as a capital crime.

Interfering with the mail or sleeping with the consort of the Queen is classed as treason, and as such, carries a maximum penalty of death.

Placing a postage stamp that bears the Queen (or King) upside down is considered treason.

You can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight.

You may not shoot a Welsh person on Sunday with a longbow in the Cathedral Close.

It is illegal for a woman to be topless in public except as a clerk in a tropical fish store.

Excluding Sundays, it is perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow.

A license is required to keep a lunatic.

You may not fish on Sundays for salmon.

It is illegal to be a drunk in possession of a cow.

Trespassing on someone else's land is legal.

If someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your commode, you must let them enter.

Kansas City is in Missouri.

Michigan City is in Indiana.

The town of Indiana is in Pennsylvania.

Brazil, Peru and Mexico are towns in Indiana.

The town of Berwick-upon-Tweed has frequently changed hands between the English and the Scots. For the last five hundred years though it has been situated in the county of Northumberland in England. However, the county of Berwickshire lies over the border in Scotland.

New York and Boston lie only a few miles apart in Lincolnshire, England.

Just details from an interesting site I found whilst surfing.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

In Alabama, it is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

In Texas, it is illegal to curse in front of, or indecently expose oneself to, a corpse.

In Michigan, a man legally owns his wife's hair.

Kansas law prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.

In Idaho, the law states all boxes of candy (confectionery) given as romantic gifts must weigh more than 50 pounds.

It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas.

In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school or place of worship.

In Washington state, it's against the law to sleep in an outhouse without the owner's permission.

Putting salt on a railroad track can be punishable by death in the state of Alabama.

In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.

In Alabama, dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

In New York City, it's illegal to shake a dust mop out a window.

In Connorsville, Wisconsin a man is legally prohibited from shooting a gun while his female partner is having an orgasm.

In New York, it's against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.

In Pueblo, Colorado, it is illegal to let a dandelion grow within city limits.

In the state of Washington, it's illegal to catch a fish by throwing a rock at it.

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on in North Dakota.

In Berkeley, California, you can't whistle for an escaped bird before 7:00 a.m.

An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take anything other than backwards steps while dancing.

In California, it is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

San Francisco bans any "mechanical device that reproduces obscene language."

In Nogales, Arizona, it is illegal to wear suspenders.

In Atlanta, Georgia, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

In Logan County, Colorado, it's illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she's asleep.

There's a San Francisco law that states it's illegal to play poker in public or gamble in a barricaded room.

In the state of Texas, it is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

A person is not eligible to become governor in Pennsylvania if they have participated in a duel.

It's against the law for a woman to drive in a house coat in California.

In Texas, it's illegal to milk another person's cow.

I was at a private party at a night club in town last night and didn't get home until one o'clock. I spent a lot of the time dancing to some really bass-heavy trance and drum and bass. Normally I'd take the chance to talk to people, but the music was just too loud though, in fact my ears are still buzzing now - over six hours later.

(It was all arranged at short notice and so that's why I didn't mention it on yesterday's posts.)

I really enjoyed myself; it was the first time I'd been out in over a month, and although I'm tired and my feet are sore and my calf muscles are aching I'll be looking forward to the next time; whenever it will be.

During the last few days I've received letters from three editors to whom I've submitted poetry. These letters were all informing me that the various magazines are now no longer being published.

Is this trend just a coincidence, or maybe something more significant? Could the internet be to blame with all the online poetry sites?

I had a very pleasant interview yesterday; unfortunately it wasn't a job interview though - it was only for doing some voluntary work with the local community transport operator. I would really enjoy working there, and they seem keen to have me helping to produce newsletters, reports and publicity material. I'd be contributing something and be part of a team.

It's not paid employment with the wages and dignity though and I'll have to check with the jobcentre how it would possibly affect my benefit entitlement and liability to undertake more of their pointless jobsearch and training programmes that make me ill. However this particular interview was actually arranged by the jobcentre, so I can't see there being any problems.

I suppose this is good news...I'll not be spending quite so much time on my own in the house and will be doing something positive (and be interacting with other people): it's just that I'm feeling a bit angry and frustrated because I don't understand why everyone else gets paid for working and I have to do it for nothing.

It's just not fair!

There was recently a programme on TV called 'The Half Ton Man' about three morbidly obese men who required drastic medical intervention in order to make them lose weight and prolong their life expectancies.

There have been several similar programmes broadcast; whenever I watch them the people featured always seem to have a wife or husband. I'm not at all grossly overweight myself (6 ft. 3 ins - just under seventeen stone...medium build, I suppose) but I've never had a relationship and so I naturally get around to wondering what's wrong with me. Why must I be so lonely?

It's hard...so hard.

I've finally managed to be able to talk online with my sister in Australia, using MSN Messenger. She can hear me, but I can't hear her; so she still has to type. I'm assuming that the problem is her microphone; either it's just not working or she's not got the correct driver installed. I'm hoping that with a bit of research I might be able to tell her how to download the appropriate driver from the net...but, beyond that I can't suggest anything more except for her to buy a new microphone (with driver included.)

When signing in to secure sites I sometimes lose track as to how many letters of my password I've typed. All I can see is a line of asterisks which are difficult to count; it would really help me if the numerals 1,2,3,...etc. could be displayed as I type; and this would still maintain the security of the logging on process.

It would also help if 'click here' buttons; and especially the minimise and maximise buttons at the top of the screen, were much larger targets - I'm not very good with a mouse.

Recently published government statistics show that since the introduction of extended licensing hours the levels of alcohol-related violent street crime have fallen significantly. This might only be a temporary trend due to intense police activity coinciding with the new legislation, and with the approaching long days of summer the trend could be reversed...however, the initial statistics are surely welcome.

Some commentators in the press would most likely be surprised by these figures; but I'm certainly not. People go out in an evening with a fixed budget to spend and their bodies have their own limits, and so once they've had enough people go home; possibly even earlier than were doing previously now that there's no need for the last minute act of desperation or rebellion of pouring two or three glasses of alcohol down your throat before you're kicked out onto the streets.

I've been to two interviews at the jobcentre this morning and have got another one in another office in town tomorrow and yet another interview about doing some compulsory voluntary work out at Bentley on Thursday: I've written 'compulsory voluntary work' because with this scheme it's community service in all but name

It's ironic how twenty years ago when I was doing voluntary work that I actually wanted to do I was threatened with having my benefit payments stopped or reduced because they deemed by putting in the hours I was at the time that I wasn't 'actively seeking work' whereas now, if I'm reluctant to do any voluntary work I could face similar sanctions for exactly the same reason - 'not actively seeking work'. It's mad.

Personally I have no problem with what in effect is a form of workfare; but I do insist that the staff call it what it is....if something is voluntary it isn't meant to be compulsory!

Last night I was watching a news report on TV about a radio station arranging a marriage between two strangers as a publicity stunt. It's making a mockery of what should be a sacred ceremony and life-long commitment between two people (and I'm saying this as an atheist - things can still be 'sacred' to us.) Why make an oath that you don't intend to keep? In order to keep any money they make from the arrangement they've got to remain married for a certain length of time...I'm not sure how long; but after that initial period they're free to divorce.

I've never been in a situation where I'd be required to take an oath (or even sign a contract), but I do believe in contract law...this would probably make me a difficult employee though because I'd always interpret the terms literally.

A packet of aster seeds for only 15p.

Not many seeds in the packet, but there are ample enough.

The seeds were quite large, so I could individually plant them in a seed tray that I've now placed on my attic room windowsill - south facing.

Some anagrams of 'Lee Firth'

The Lifer
Her Filet
Their Elf

Or, using my full name (you can easily work it out):

A refilled thorn
Oh, a rented frill
Rhine fed a troll
A fiend, her troll
Then a fried roll
Hell no, a drifter!
Eh, a nerd of trill.

There are plenty of anagram sites on the web; I've hardly begun to start scrolling down the page...

I like looking at maps and sometimes I see a shape that reminds me of something else.

The southern part of the Italian mainland looks like a boot.

The shape of the Indian Ocean reminds me of two young children holding hands.

The coast of Yorkshire looks like a contorted face.

The island of Ceylon (Sri Lanka) is teardrop-shaped.

According to the etymological origin of the name, Cornwall is shaped like a horn.

On Friday afternoon several hundred angry, militant Muslims were protesting outside the Danish embassy in London. One of the placards one of the crowd was carrying read, 'Behead those who say Islam is violent.' I don't think they'd actually thought through the logic of that particular statement though.

These [choose your own word] were protesting about some cartoons depicting Mohammed which originally appeared in a Danish newspaper, but have subsequently been republished elsewhere. They've not been published here in Britain yet. I wonder why? They are easy enough to locate on the web though.

Some recent online radio and video documentaries I've been listening to or watching:-

New forms of product placement on U.S. TV programmes because viewers are using TiVo to skip watching the adverts.

Polygamous Mormon marriages in Utah.

A U.S. court case about the government trying to force Google to release search engine enquiry results.

A history of the Canadian electoral system.

A video documentary alleging a massive 9/11 conspiracy and cover-up.

The use of adult nappies by passengers on long train journeys in China.

The El Paso Bath Riot.

The El Paso Jail Holocaust.

Penelope Pitstop
Dick Dastardly
Pink Panther
Scooby Doo
Yogi Bear
Top Cat
Tom & Jerry
Micky Mouse
Roadrunner
Donald Duck
The Anthill Mob

When I was a child children's TV programmes were just meant to entertain and educate, not to try to sell or promote products as they seem to do today.

On the Freeview terrestrial digital TV platform there are two channels which also broadcast a stream with a one hour delay. One of these is a general entertainment channel and so broadcasts an evening news bulletin.

Who on Earth wants to watch old news though; especially when there are two 24 hour news channels available?

Yesterday I bought a ready-to-eat cheese and onion pasty that had been frozen and re-packaged. However, the cooking (re-heating) instructions hadn't been modified and so it was still part frozen when I started to eat it.

I should have thought things through and realised it would need leaving in the microwave for a couple of more minutes; nonetheless this looks like a loophole in the food hygiene and packaging regulations.

I live in Doncaster, but it's not the only one. I've just accessed an online list of all the other places or features in the world called Doncaster. Before discovering the site I was only aware of the town in Australia called Doncaster, but there are several others.

The complete list is:-

1...Doncaster - a town in England (where I live)

2...A district of Toronto, Ontario, Canada

3...A river in Quebec, Canada

4...A small town in Charles County, Maryland, U.S.A.

5...A state forest, also in Charles County, Maryland

6...A large town in Victoria, Australia

7...Doncaster Village, Baltimore County, Maryland

The name of the village where I lived for twenty five years, Thurnscoe, is totally unique. The website, 'Getty Thesaurus of Geographic Names' has placed Thurnscoe in Doncaster Borough when it is actually located on the eastern fringes of Barnsley Borough though.

I watched a programme on TV on Tuesday night about the NHS possibly restricting access to certain medical procedures for people who are deemed to be overweight. The criterion used to determine as to whether or not a person is overweight is a complicated mathematical formula called the 'body mass index' (B.M.I.)

As an example the B.M.I.s for an entire rugby team were calculated and most of the players were assessed as being overweight, obese, or in one case, morbidly obese...and these are fit, healthy young men. What hope is there for the rest of us?

I've just been online and calculated my own B.M.I. and I appear to be borderline obese; granted I'm probably a couple of stones overweight, but I'm generally fit and active (I walk a lot). If I were to lose enough weight to get down to my ideal body weight according to the B.M.I. calculation I fear that I'd up being seriously malnourished and ill.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
BATTLE OF THE SEXES

I know where
She gets off,
But never where
She gets on.

Today, the train
Is ten minutes late
But I'm still waiting.

HAIKU

last day of the year,
she clings to her youth
like an unpicked apple

HAIKU

first signs of spring;
haiku in every front garden

The Man From Del Monte (he says "Yes!")

The Honey Monster - Sugar Puffs

The Milky Bar Kid

Tony The Tiger

Jolly Green Giant

Green Cross Code Man

Felix The Cat

Dulux dog

I can't even remember what 'Tony The Tiger' was trying to sell; was it Shell petrol?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Poetry update: received three letters this morning, two rejection slips - but one acceptance...they will be publishing several of my short poems over two or three editions of the magazine (it's easy to find room for them, I suppose.)

During my lifetime, in England...

We've changed our currency (gone decimal anyhow); fortunately we haven't embraced the Euro yet.

We've redrawn the boundaries of existing counties, split some counties up and created some entirely new ones.

Are in the final stages of changing over our traditional system of weights and measures to metric.

Have had to cope with a massive change to the ethnic and cultural composition of the population.

Completely changed the ethos of the education system.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

No-one was ever asked to vote on any of these changes though.