On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicide.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

While in E.R., she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

1. AQUADEXTROUS Possessing the ability to turn
the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION The act, when vacuuming,
of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over
and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum
one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly)
you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove'
all the germs.

4. ELBONICS The actions of two people maneuvering for one
armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust
pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give
up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION Manhandling the "open
here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose
seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA The affliction of dialling a phone number and forgetting
whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its
nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION The act of always letting the phone
ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

[These must be genuine because there are photographs of them on the webpage]

USB Lava Lamps
USB Duck Vacuum Cleaner
USB Christmas Tree
USB Human Thumb Drive
USB Aquarium
USB Heated Slippers
USB Ioniser
USB Powered Thermal Wrist Protector
USB Pencil Sharpener

[These are only a selection; there were 164 songs in total, plus all the songs by 'Rage Against The Machine']

The Animals - We Gotta Get Out Of This Place

Louis Armstrong - What A Wonderful World

The Bangles - Walk Like An Egyptian

The Beatles - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
- Ticket To Ride

The Clash - Rock The Casbah

Leonard Cohen - First We Take Manhattan

Phil Collins - In The Air Tonight

R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World As We Know It

Frank Sinatra - New York, New York

Van Halen - Jump

The most northerly part of Southern Ireland is actually further north than any point in Northern Ireland.

There are 33,000 miles of hedgerows in the English county of Devon; more than in any other country even.

One percent of Greenland's entire population lives in just one apartment block in the capital city.

In Las Vegas, casinos do not have clocks.

'My living in Yorkshire was so far out of the way that it was eleven miles away from a lemon.' - Sydney Smith, clergyman, essayist and wit (1771-1845)

'You can always tell a Yorkshireman...but you can't tell him much.' - anon

'I would have died for Yorkshire. I suppose once or twice I did.' Brian Close, cricketer

'In an England cricket team, the flesh may be of the South, but the bone is of the North, and the backbone is Yorkshire.' - Len Hutton, cricketer

These are my favourites:

Rhubarb and pineapple are poisonous when eaten together.

If you eat food standing up, it's effectively fat free.

If you sneeze with your eyes open, they'll pop out.

Killing a spider will make it rain the next day.

Don't sing at the table; you'll marry a crazy person.

When making the bed, don't interrupt your work or you'll spend a restless night in it.