It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.

A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.

One-armed piano players must perform for free.

Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.

Tanning bed facilities must warn of the risk of getting a sunburn.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.

She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.

The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.

He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.

The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.

Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.

The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!

The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

Today, August 1st. is Yorkshire Day and so I've decided to publish the Yorkshire Motto.

Yorkshire Day is a fairly recent innovation, chosen as the date of the Battle of Minden in 1759 when soldiers from Yorkshire regiments picked white roses (the symbol of the county) from nearby bushes as a tribute to their fallen comrades.

THE YORKSHIRE MOTTO

Hear all, see all, say nowt
Eat all, drink all, pay nowt,
And if tha ever does owt for nowt
Always do it for thissen.

(Translated into standard English - it doesn't scan properly though.)

Hear everything, observe everything, say nothing
Eat everything, drink everything, pay nothing
And if you ever do anything for nothing
Always do it for yourself.