Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

When Site Meter locates the position of visitors to my blog it seems to quite often get it wrong when displaying the county or nearest town. Because of my better geographical knowledge of my own country I'm only aware of it occuring with British locations. When it actually displays visitors to my blog on a map they do appear to be in the correct place though.

The stats display details of the previous hundred visitors and I've listed the errors that I've identified, with a more correct designation in brackets.

Ranby, Rotherham (Retford/Worksop, Nottinghamshire)

Curbar, Sheffield (Hope Valley, Derbyshire)

Surbiton, Slough (Surrey [I think])

Stevenage, Norfolk (Hertfordshire)

Knutsford, Trafford (Cheshire)

Chesterfield, Sheffield (Derbyshire)

South Elmsall, Doncaster (Pontefract)

Skelmersdale, Staffordshire (Lancashire)

Chapeltown, Rotherham (Sheffield)

Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.

Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.

No one may catch fish with his bare hands.

The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.

If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.

1947 First couple to share a bed.
1957 First toilet on television.
1967 First time 'Hell' said on TV (Star Trek.)
1971 First time 'God Damn It' said.
1972 First abortion on TV.
1974 First rape scene depicted.
1974 First time the word 'bastard' used.
1977 First regular gay character appearing.
1989 First use of 'pussy' [not meaning 'a cat']
1991 First lesbian kiss.

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts

Stonehenge - it's too small

John O' Groats - difficult to get there, it's hard to feel it was really worth the bother.

London Eye - long queues, expensive

Tate Modern (London) - walking down the ramp into the building is like entering Hell [I've visited Tate Modern several times and love the building, especially the massive ramp which was used for delivering coal when it was a power station.]

The Tales of Robin Hood, Nottingham - appears to be a converted shopping centre

Eden Project, Cornwall - paying £18 to visit a garden centre [my parents love the place]

Edinburgh Castle - doesn't really look like a castle

Haworth, Yorkshire - there just isn't room' complicated parking

Hampton Court, London - immaculately kept, otherwise basically boring

Madame Tussaud's, London - every tourist in the place wears the wan smile of someone gamely trying not to feel swindled

Centre For Alternative Technology, Machynlleth, Wales - mud & guilt

Blackpool Illuminations - a very long, well-lit fraffic jam