Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

Actual Excerpts From Classified Sections Of City Newspapers

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- - Bill Peterson, former Florida State football coach

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
- - Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- - Bill Peterson, former Florida State football coach

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
- - Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class."
- - George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
- - Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- - Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- - Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- - Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann