If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0"
"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."
"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."
"To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."
"If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."
"Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."
“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael Sinz
Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."
"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer." - Erik Naggum
"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell."
"SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it."
"Windows95: It's like upgrading from Reagan to Bush.
"People say Microsoft paid $14M for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed $14M only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'."
"I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly"
"A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light"
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila"
"1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"
"To go forward, you must backup."
"A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting."
"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."
"Evolution is God's way of issuing upgrades."
"The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back."
"Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."
"Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error."
"Dating a girl is just like writing software. Everything's going to work just fine in the testing lab (dating), but as soon as you have contract with a customer (marriage), then your program (life) is going to be facing new situations you never expected. You'll be forced to patch the code (admit you're wrong) and then the code (wife) will just end up all bloated and unmaintainable in the end."
"If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime."
"It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa."
"I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'."
"The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from."
"The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot."
"Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code."
"Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you."
