Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

It's not just my knee that's hurting me - I seem to be aching everywhere. It must be this bug that seems to be going around everyone; certainly I was running a high fever earlier in the week and am now shivering. I'll probably be alright for work on Monday though.

During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that's the weight of about 6 elephants.

Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they cant find any food.

Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is over 9000 years old.

In space, astronauts cannot cry properly, because there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow down their faces.

There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S, than real ones.

About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30.

More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones.

A sneeze travels out of your mouth at over 100 m.p.h..

Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe.

In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons.

Slugs have 4 noses.

Recycling one glass jar, saves enough energy to watch T.V for 3 hours.

Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet.

Owls are one of the only birds who can see the colour blue.

The average American/Canadian drinks about 600 sodas a year.

It was once against the law to slam your car door in a city in Switzerland.

There wasn't a single pony in the Pony Express, just horses.

Honeybees have a type of hair on their eyes.

Richard Hadlee and Richie Benaud were commentating together. Michael Atherton was hit in the box and Hadlee said 'That ball bounced'. Benaud replied with 'Which One?'

When David Lloyd was comentating on a match in the VB series last winter, between Australia and England, Michael Clarke was bowling, and Lloyd said:"He reminds me of that popstar, what's his name? Oh, yes, it's effineff." David Gower next to him goes:"Er...no...David, its Eminem, I think"

Sami gets hit in the crotch, helmet, arm....Dean Jones " Sami has more Hits than the beatles"
After Sami got hit in the Crotch, Nehra goes back to finish the over, Sheppard to Sami "You've got two balls left"

Old world charm means room with no TV, radio and only one light.
Tropical means rainy.
Majestic setting means a long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore means nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway means directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms means sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own means at your own expense.
Minutes from... means by plane.
Romantic means no phone in room.
Knowledgeable trip hosts ... They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees means no extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise means your car's paint will never be the same.
Nominal fee means outrageous charge.
Standard means sub-standard.
Deluxe means barely standard.
Superior accommodations means one complimentary chocolate, free shower cap.
All the amenities means two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just Like Home means no maid service.
Plush means both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.
Gentle breezes means in hurricane alley.
Light and airy means no air conditioning.
Picturesque means theme park nearby.
24-hour bar means ice cubes at additional cost (when available).

A friend in a restaurant:
Waiter, Could you bring me some kidnaps, please?

From a student's essay:
When I got home, I had a massage on the answering machine.

Sent in a message by a technical support specialist:
Feel free to contact me if you cause any problems.

Said while talking about daily routines:
In the morning, I get up at seven o'clock; clean my tooth;
have breakfast; and go to work.

Said by a student talking about differences between men and women:
I like the opposite to sex very much.

Written in a progress test by a sweet seventeen-year-old girl:
I haven't had any male for more than a month.

The phrase was said by a student who had just been given another
handout at the end of the lesson:
Excuse me. Is this the last shit for today?

From a writing task in a progress test:
I think that education in Ukraine is bed.