Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

Today's Wednesday and it's the day we have our bins emptied (they're still emptied weekly; but not for much longer we're soon going all green with fortnightly collections and the return of cholera, diphtheria and bubonic plague.) As usual, as soon as I got in I went to get my wheelie bin from the alleyway at the back of the house; however when I was in the garden I noticed that next door's silver birch tree was no longer there. I strained to look over the fence and saw that there was only a six inch high stump and no sign of the trunk or branches anywhere in the garden.

Slightly surprised I went and unlocked my garden gate and came across an estate car packed full with what was once the tree; sawn up into lengths of no longer than three or four foot - it's amazing what you fit into a hatchback! There wasn't anyone about in the garden next door so I looked to see how much room there was left for the driver and passenger...and guess what? There were twigs and branches on both front seats making it impossible to drive. Maybe the neighbours are just having their dinner and thinking about the situation.

Although I've lived in the county for all my life, there are very few places on this list that I've actually visited.

Most Northerly Place : Holwick in Upper Teesdale.
Most Southerly Place : Totley, nestling down near Sheffield.
Most Easterly Place : Kilnsea, Spurn Head.
Most Westerly Place : Low Bentham, just outside the National Park Boundary.
Remotest Village : Kettlesness is six miles from Whitby, and the nearest bus stop is a mile and a half away.
Longest single-word Place Name : Sutton-under-Whitestonecliffe in North Yorkshire, which has an impressive 27 letters.
The Largest Forest : The North Riding Forest, part of the Forestry Commission North York Moors Forest District stretches for 12,220 hectares.
The Tallest Tree : Duncombe Park near Helmsley is home to a towering 150ft Lime tree.
Rarest Plant : In a highly secret part of the Dales so collectors aren’t tempted to go up and grab the Ladies Slipper (Cypripedium caleolus)
Largest Wild Mammal : The Dales is home to the Red Deer a handsome creature.
Smallest Wild Mammal : Is the Pigmy Shrew.
Smallest Bird : This is the tiny Goldcrest which measure just under four inches long.
Largest Bird of Prey : In West Yorkshire moorland the Goshawk, a breeding pair being recorded in the late 1990’s.
Largest House : Castle Howard near York. One of the largest frontages of any building in Britain.
First Norman Castle : This was knocked up in a wooden fashion York in 1069 for William the Conqueror.
First Stone Castle : Richmond claims first position here, built in 1075.
York Minster : The largest Gothic Cathedral in Northern Europe.
Oldest Pub : The Bingley Arms, Bardsey near Leeds has been around since AD905, then called The Priests Inn.
Largest Open Air Theatre : Scarborough opened in 1932 housing a stage 182 feet long with a seating capacity of 7,000.
Largest Theatre : Sheffield Arena, caterers for over 11,000