Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

1. Prepare for a three Tums experience.
2. The stench of testosterone and desperation doesn't quite cover up the fact that this place stinks.
3. 'Breaking bread' should not mean you have to use the side of the table.
4. I think one of the ceramic pigs that adorn the walls could have given better service.
5. The waiter flipped our pizza onto the floor, face down. He scooped it back up and told us it was okay.
6. Someone please close this restaurant. The food is as old as the customers.
7. Don't be startled by the occasional thud of free weights hitting the floor of the gym above.
8. Also known as Ebola CafÈ.
9. Be sure to sit in the no-shooting section.
10. Getting mugged at gunpoint in their parking lot left a bad taste in my mouth.
11. Caught recycling wine not finished by diners.
12. So noisy you can't hear yourself taste.
13. Chef's responsibility is to turn on the microwave.
14. Could have changed my oil two times from the bottom of the pasta dish.
15. Why eat here when you can take the vegetables from the garbage can?

Source: Zagat Survey

The Top 15 Chinese Translations of English Movie Titles of 1997.

15 "Pretty Woman" - "I Will Marry a Prostitute to Save Money"

14 "Face/Off" - "Who Is Face Belonging To? I Kill You Again,
Harder!"

13 "Leaving Las Vegas" - "I'm Drunk And You're a Prostitute"

12 "Interview With The Vampire" - "So, You Are a Lawyer?"

11 "The Piano" - "Ungrateful Adulteress! I Chop Off Your
Finger!"

10 "My Best Friend's Wedding" - "Help! My Pretend Boyfriend
Is Gay!"

9 "George of the Jungle" - "Big Dumb Monkey-Man Keeps
Whacking Tree With Genitals"

8 "Scent of a Woman" - "Great Buddha! I Can Smell You From
Afar! Take a Bath, Will You?!"

7 "Love, Valour, Compassion!" - "I Am That Guy From Seinfeld' It's okay For A straight Gut To Watch A Gay Movie."

6 "Babe" - "The Happy Dumpling-to-be Who Talks And Solves
Agricultural Problems"

5 "Twister" - "Run! Ruuunnnn! Cloudzillaaaaa!"

4 "Field of Dreams" - "Imaginary Dead Baseball Players Live
in My Cornfield"

3 "Barb Wire" - "Delicate Orbs of Womanhood Bigger Than Your
Head Can Hurt You"

2 "Batman & Robin" - "Come to My Cave and Wear This Rubber
Codpiece, Cute Boy"

1 "The Crying Game" - "Oh No! My Girlfriend Has a Penis!"

Restroom Policy
To: All employees
From: Management
RE: Restroom Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under information guidelines. Effective Feb. 1, 1995, a Restroom TripPolicy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time.

Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given aRestroom Trip Credit of 20. Restroom Trip Credits can be accumulated from month to month.

Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms are being equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice recognition devices. Before January 31, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Management. The voice print recognition will be in operation, but not connected to restrooms until the end of the month. Employees should acquaint themselves with these stations during that period.

If an employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the month. In addition, any restroom stalls that are occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract, the toilet will flush and the stall door will open. If the stall still remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the wall in the main office. This is being done to eliminate dilly-dallying in the restrooms. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated.

If you have any questions about the RTP, please ask your supervisor.

Lynne, the director of the charity, and the person who initially interviewed me, returns to work today from her holidays.

I'm hoping, and assuming, that once she's dealt with the backlog of things that need her attention she'll be able to sort out what I'll be doing - hopefully getting out of the office and visiting some of the other projects and initiatives.