Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

3. If quitters never win, and winners never quit,
what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

4. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

5. What hair color do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?

6. Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

7. People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older, then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.

8. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office
is full of portraits by Picasso.

After managing to sort it that I'm able to resume my group therapy/counselling sessions in town with the occupational psychologist on Wednesday afternoons I've now been informed that instead of doing jobsearch at a venue in the town centre I'm now required to be at the main office in Askern, thus adding two hours to my working day.

You win some. You lose some.

Marcus Trescothick = Banger (Loves eating sausages apparently)

Michael Vaughan = Vaughny!!!!! and Virgil (Thunderbirds)

Andrew Flintoff = Freddie (After Freddie Flintstone the cartoon character)

Derek Randall = Arkle (Reflects his speed when fielding)

Ashley Giles = King of Spain ( Ashley ordered several coffee mugs to be made to sell to raise money in his testimonial year. Apparently they were to have read " The King of Spin". They didn't and the rest is history as they say)

Robert Russell = Jack (Excellent wicketkeeper/ batsman for Gloucestershire and England. Also an excellent painter)

Phil Tufnell = The Cat (Phil liked taking naps)

Chris Old was known as Chilli (C Old)

Graham Dilley was known as Picca

Graham Gooch of course was Zap (Emilio Zapata moustache)

W.G. Grace — the Doctor

Ian Botham = Beefy

Paul Collingwood = Nice Ginger

Kevin Pietersen = K.P.

Keith Fletcher = The Gnome of Essex

Derek Underwood — Deadly