Posts archive for: 7 October, 2006
  • Real Hong Kong Subtitles

    These are actual English subtitles that have been used in films from Hong Kong:

    > Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

    > Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

    > Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.

    > Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

    > You daring lousy guy.

    > Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

    > Beat him out of recognizable shape!

    > Yah-hah, evil spider-woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.

    > I got knife-scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

    > Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

    > I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

  • Well, I think I've got everything I need now.

    I've just popped out to the shops for the second time today, returning with my rucksack full and two heavy carrier bags, as I did this morning.

    Since I've started working the only opportunities I get to do any shopping are on a Friday afternoon (when I only work a half day) and the weekends.

    I'm glad that I live near to the town centre because I can't imagine having to make two journeys on the bus.

  • Some of life's unanswered questions.

    Can you slam a revolving door?
    How young can you be, but still die of old age?
    What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?
    Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?
    Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
    If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?
    What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
    Can you read a picture book?
    Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?
    Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

    Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
    Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!
    If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
    if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?
    What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
    What shape is the sky?
    If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead?
    Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?
    If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?
    If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?
    What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?
    Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?
    Why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers?
    Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
    Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it called adultnapped??
    Why do blacklights look purple?
    Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni?
    Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them?
    How come the Bible is the most stolen book, and one of the ten comandments is "thou shall not steal"?
    Why isn't the caps lock capitalized?
    If there's a hole straight through the earth, from the south pole to the north pole, and you jump through it what would happen? would you keep falling forever, or fall back down when you get to the middle, or is it physically impossible?
    If someone with a nostril ring takes it out, then blows their nose, do they have to cover that hole as well as their nostril holes so that snot does'nt blow out everywere?
    Isn't it weird that if you rearange the word "teacher" you get "cheater"?
    How come whenever you start to sing, you automatically sing in a higher voice than you talk?
    How come people say they ate the last piece of gum, when they really just chew it?
    If a pope goes to the bathroom, is it considered holy crap?
    You know the saying "throw ya hands in the air like ya don't care"? why bother doing that if you dont care?
    Why is there no pine or apple in pineapple?
    If "Fantasy Island" really granted wishes, why wasn't Tattoo 6'6" ?
    Why do water bottles have a "best if used by" date?
    If you called the police station to talk to an officer and he was not there, would that be considered a cop out?
    Can bald people get a hair line fracture?
    Why do they put holes in crackers?
    How come on TV the bell always rings and then the kids go to class, but in real life you need to be in class before the bell rings?
    Why can the saying "it's all downhill from here." mean both that it will be easy and that it is going to get worse?
    If all of ACME's products backfire, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying them?
    Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?
    If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?
    Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?
    Does a baby feel the umbilical cord being cut off?
    Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?
    Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
    If you have a pet with 2 heads do you have to name both heads?
    Why can't liquor freeze?
    If you dig a hole in the south pole are you digging up or down?
    How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age?
    Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?
    What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?
    Who was in the kitchen with Dina?
    Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?
    Why do they call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it?
    How old does something have to be to become an antique?
    Can a school teacher give a homeless child homework?
    Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?
    Do babies produce more spit than adults?
    How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?
    Do cows have calf muscles?
    Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not?
    If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?
    If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?
    Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?
    If you died with braces on would they take them off?
    If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?
    Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?
    Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?
    If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?
    Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?
    Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?
    Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice?
    How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
    Have ex-punsters been expunged?
    Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
    Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
    Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
    Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
    Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
    You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
    After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
    Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
    You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

  • Fads of the 1980s

    I thought I might remember more of these than I actually do.

    Popples
    These were popular toys in the mid 1980's. Popples were able to pull anything out of their back pouch. The craze was so huge that there was also a cartoon that followed the fad.

    Jelly Shoes
    If you were a little girl that grew up in the 80's, then chances are you owned a pair of jelly shoes. These were flexible bright colored jelly shoes that you could wear without socks. A very popular fad during this decade.

    Slap Bracelets
    A flexible metal with a colorful cloth over it. You would smack these on your wrist and it would wrap around it.

    Video Arcades
    There are many arcades now, but during the 80s, they were the "in" place to hangout.

    Wacky WallWalker
    A sticky piece of rubber that usually resembled an insect that you throw at a window or wall. The Wacky Wallwalker would then slowly walk down the surface.

    Rubik's Cube
    Erno Rubik was looking for a innovative method of teaching his students about 3D objects and came up with what would be called Rubik's Cube. He patented this clever cube and made millions in the early 80's. There were 43 quintillion combinations of solving the cube, which prompted many books on how to solve the cube. The world record for solving the cube is 16.5 seconds! A later version of the cube was released called "Rubik's Revenge" which had four rows of four squares instead of three on the standard cube. 100 million cubes have been sold worldwide and are even now somewhat popular in certain places in the world.

    Boom Boxes
    This oversized radio was popular with the youth of the early and mid-eighties because they played music so loud, you could hear them from a 100 yards away. They eventually came with dual cassette and CD players and used 8 "D" cell batteries to power the big speakers. Some had a special Bass Boost button that would make the boom boxes even louder and more annoying to most who could hear them. This fad is still popular with some young people because the new boom boxes come with MP3 players.

    Wrestling
    Although it has made a comeback in recent years, nothing even compares with the classic years of the WWF, and the NWA.

    Neon
    Pretty self explanatory. Socks, Shirts, Hair accessories, bracelets, shoe laces, store signs etc.

    Break Dancing
    Remember the parachute pants and cardboard boxes that dancers would gyrate themselves on? Break dancing seems so different from all other kinds of dancing that the first question people ask when they see it is: "Where did these kids learn to dance like that?" In 1969, when James Brown was getting down with his big hit "Get on the Good Foot" the Hustle was the big dance style of the day. When he performed his hit, he did the kind of dance you'd expect James Brown to do. High Energy. This eventually, evolved into break dancing.

    Friendship Bracelets
    Friendship bracelets came in bright colors, vibrant woven patterns, beautiful glass beadwork and NFL football team names and colors.

    Cabbage Patch Dolls
    Cabbage Patch Dolls were the doll craze of the 80s, and one of THE fads of the decade. Take this stroll down memory lane with the Cabbage Patch Kids and see what they've been up to lately.

    Smurfs
    Blue elflike creatures, dwelling happily in the forest. Creatures with names like Jokey, Greedy, and Brainy Smurf. The went through adventures, sought advice from Papa Smurf and found themselves captivated by the perky Smurfette, the only female in the clan. During Smurf Mania, they out sold Star Wars, Garfield, Snoopy, Annie and Mickey Mouse.

    Koosh Balls
    During the 1988 Christmas season, the Koosh ball was the hottest toy on the shelves. The Koosh ball was a rubber ball filled with a jelly-like plasma and its outside consisted of hundreds of rubber spikes making it look like a soft and flexible porcupine that did not hurt to hold or squeeze. When someone squeezed the object, the plasma caused it to squirm around in his hand while the spikes provided something to grip in one's hand.

    'Baby on Board' Signs
    Remember when we were supposed to avoid hitting the cars with the "Baby on Board" signs on them? It's open season on them now.

    Hacky-Sack
    Coordinated enough to kick a beanbag but too wimpy to be a jock? Hacky-Sack was your sport.
    learn more

    Vans Tennis Shoes
    The shoes of choice for skateboarders everywhere. Pull on tennis shoes - no laces.

    Lace fingerless gloves
    a la Madonna.

    Tetherball
    A tetherball is similar to a volleyball and is tied to a ten-foot, vertical pole by a slender rope. Two players, who each get half of the area surrounding the pole, try to hit the tetherball ball repeatedly in one direction so that the rope wraps completely around the pole.

    Miami Vice Fashion
    popularized by Don Johnson on the hit tv show.

    Where's the Beef
    A slogan from a Wendy’s commercial for showing that other restaurants didn’t quite use as much meat on their
    hamburgers. Starred an old lady named Clara Peller, who kept asking that question.

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
    A hit cartoon about a bunch of hip turtles who loved eating pizza and could also fight well. People bought lots of related dolls, stickers, lunchboxes, etc.

    Big Hair with lots of Hairspray
    Not only were the women sporting their hair like this, so were the 80's rock stars. Big hair was definantly in and so was Aqua Net hairspray to keep the hair up all day.

    Goatee Beards
    Goatee beards really joined the mainstream, and no longer just for bikers, wrestlers, and Satan.

    He-Man
    If you were a young boy growing up in the 80's then you know all about this craze. Mattel's He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was everywhere. Not only was it a popular cartoon but it was also on lunch boxes, t-shirts, school folders and many other places.

    Rainbow Brite
    If you were a young girl growing up in the 80's then you know all about this craze. Almost every little girl had a rainbow brite doll and watched the cartoon that went along with it.

    Strawberry Shortcake
    A popular 80's cartoon character. Every little girl that grew up in the 80's not only owned the doll, but also had either a Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox or blanket or even clothing with this character imprented on it.

    Hyper-Color Shirts
    These were shirts that changed color with temperature change.

    Care Bears
    Colorful, adorable, furry friends with a caring mission. These cute bears taught us how to care. Every bear came with a bright colored tummy picture that told who they were and what their special area of caring was.

    Garbage Pail Kids
    Garbage Pail Kids were like Cabbage Patch Kids only much more gross and the cards came with a stick of gum.... they even had their own movie.

  • I'm being tormented again...

    ...by my smoke alarms!

    I was grilling some sausages for my breakfast this morning when I pulled out the grillpan to turn over the links and a bit of smoke was released causing the upstairs smoke alarm to go off yet again. It's always the upstairs one, never the downstairs one that's so much nearer - maybe it's because heat rises? I don't know.

    It's bloody annoying though. I'm always tempted to rush upstairs and rip out the battery. It's reassuring to know that the damn thing works though - I just wish it would stop when I yell at it!

  • Redefining medical terms.

    FUNNY MEDICAL TERMS!

    Artery - The study of paintings.

    Benign - What you be after you be eight.

    Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria.

    Barium - What doctors do when patients die.

    Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome.

    Cat Scan - Searching for Kitty.

    Cauterize - Made eye contact with her.

    Coma - A punctuation mark.

    Dilate - To live long.

    Enema - Not a friend.

    Fester - Quicker than someone else.

    Fibula - A small lie.

    Hangnail - What you hang your coat on.

    Impotent - Distinguished, well known.

    Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work.

    Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane.

    Morbid - A higher offer than I bid.

    Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates.

    Node - I knew it.

    Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis.

    Post Operative - A letter carrier.

    Rectum - Darn near killed him.

    Seizure - Roman emperor.

    Tablet - A small table.

    Tumor - More than one.

    Urine - Opposite of you're out

    Varicose - Near by

  • The Ig Nobel Awards 2006

    Honoring odd scientific research.

    Research recognised in this year's awards -

    Do feet smell like cheese?

    Dung beetles are choosy about what they eat.

    Why is the sound of nails screeching on a blackboard so obnoxious?

    High frequency teenager repellant.

    'Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage.'

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