Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

One of my childhood heroes, who sadly died earlier this year.

There's only one head bigger than Tony Grieg's and that's Birkenhead.

I need nine wickets from this match, and you buggers had better start drawing straws to see who I don't get.

The definitive volume on the finest bloody fast bowler that ever drew breath [on his autobiography]

I'd have looked even faster in colour.

Women are for batsmen, beer is for bowlers. God help the all-rounders!

Use every weapon within the rules and stretch the rules to breaking point, I say.

I am here to propose a toast to sportswriters. It's up to you whether you stand up or not.

Unless something happens that we can't predict, I don't think a lot will happen.

To be a great fast bowler, you need a big heart and a big bottom.

If there is any game in the world that attracts the half-baked theorist more than cricket I have yet to hear of it.

We didn't have any metaphors in my day. We didn't beat about the bush

Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word.
At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologizes sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred."
"So should your mother," he replied.

Unlike most languages, English doesn't assign gender to nouns; however readers of an American magazine were invited to submit funny reasons why certain words should be gender-specific.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up - because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed and because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS -- female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL -- female...Ha!...you thought I'd say male. But consider: it gives man pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying