My mum's just phoned and asked about video ipods and I don't really know much about them.

Ideally she would like to transfer all of their Daniel O'Donnell videos onto one of them using my computer.

I told her that I haven't got the appropriate software installed on my computer and am not even sure if it would work with Windows 98SE.

I'm able to download and save video files and suggested that I might be able to do it that way...I just need to search for any online videos.

Will I still need to download any software; or will I need to install it from a disc that comes with the video ipod?

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind,
Two, you didn't read your homework, and
Three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.

DIVORCE -- postgraduate in School of Love.

PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.

PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.

SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with water in it.

SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.

SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.

CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed.

EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are.

FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.

OPTIMIST -- girl who regards a bulge as a curve.

MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.

COLLEGE -- The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

EMERGENCY NUMBERS -- Police station, fire department and places that deliver.

OPERA -- When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.

BUFFET -- A French word that means, "Get up and get it yourself".

BABY-SITTER -- A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.

TATTOO -- Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Cecil John Rhodes (1853-1902)

"Ask any man what nationality he would prefer to be, and ninety nine out of a hundred will tell you that they would prefer to be Englishmen".

Snorri Sturluson (1178-1241) - medieval norwegian writer

"Some people reckoned up all King Harald's (King of Norway) great achievements, and said that nothing would be too difficult for him. But there were others who said that England would be very hard to conquer. It was very populous and the warriors who were known as the king's Housecarls were so valiant, that any one of them was worth two of the best in King Harald's army".

(Referring to King Harold of Norway's forthcoming invasion of England - His Viking army was destroyed by Harold Godwinsson, King of England, at Stamford Bridge)

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) - American philosopher & poet

"I feel in regard to this aged England, that she see a little better on a cloudy day and that, in a storm of battle and calamity, she has a secret vigour and a pulse like a cannon".

Emmanuel van Meteren - Dutch merchant

"The people are bold, courageous, ardent and cruel in war. But very inconstant, rash, vainglorious, light and deceiving. And very suspicious, especially of foreigners, whom they despise".

General Smuts - South African leader (1940)

"We must choose our friends for the future. I choose the country under which we suffered 40 to 50 years ago but who, when we were at their mercy, treated us as a Christian people".

Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"There is a forgotten, nay almost forbidden word, which means more to me than any other. That word is England".

unknown German author

"The inhabitants are extremely proud and overbearing. They care little for foreigners, but scoff and laugh at them".

(Describing visit to England by Frederick, Duke of Wurttemberg in 1592)

King Harold II (1022-1066)

"I will give him seven feet of English ground, or as much more as he may be taller than other men".

(When asked, before the Battle of Stamford Bridge, what he would offer the invading Norwegian King)

Bill Burford - author of "Among The Thugs"

"Someone shouted that we were all English. Why are we running? The English don't run. And so it went on. Having fled in panic, some of the supporters would then remember that they were English and this was important, and they would remind the others that they too were English, and this was important, and with renewed sense of national identity, they would come abruptly to a halt, turn around, and charge the Italian police".

(upon witnessing English football hooligans fighting a pitched battle with the Italian police, Sardinia 1990)

Jean Froissart (1333-1410) - French poet

"The more blood they shed, the crueller and more ruthless they become. They're fiery and furious, they quickly grow angry and take a long time to calm down".

(Witnessing the character of English troops as they advanced through France in the 15th century)