Adolf Hitler

"Germany will dominate Europe, and England the world outside".

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) - American philosopher & poet

"By this sacredness of individuals, the English have in seven hundred years evolved the principles of freedom".

Jeremy Paxman - political analyst & tv presenter

"It is a mark of self confidence: the English have not spent a great deal of time defining themselves because they haven't needed to".

(Extract from his book "The English")

Jeremy Paxman - political analyst & tv presenter

"Those countries which do best in the world - the ones that are safe and prosperous - have a coherent sense of their own culture".

(Extract from his book "The English")

Arthur Bryant - historian

"Five times by her mastery of the sea she has prevented a continental military conqueror from imposing a despotic authoritarian rule on Europe and the rest of the world".

Arthur Bryant - historian

"The value set by her people on the freedom and sanctity of the individual, on justice and fair play, on mercy and tenderness towards the weak, and their dislike of lawless violence and their capacity to tolerate, forget and forgive have been, for all England's past mistakes and faults, a very real factor in human evolution".

John Milton (1643) - English poet

"Let not England forget her precedence of teaching nations how to live".

George Mikes - author

"When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain, sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles - but never England".

(From his book "How To Be An Alien)

John Milton (1643) - English poet

"God is decreeing to begin some new and great period in his Church, even to the reforming of Reformation itself. What does he then but reveal Himself to his servants, and as is his manner, first to his Englishmen".

Lord Admiral Horatio Nelson

"First, you must implicitly obey orders… Secondly, you must consider every man as your enemy who speaks ill of your King... And thirdly, you must hate a Frenchman as you do the devil".

(Giving advice to a new recruit on how to survive in the Royal Navy)

When I arrived for my group therapy session earlier this afternoon I was handed a Christmas card by one of the workers; it wasn't from her, and she didn't know who it was from.

When I opened it is was from the only woman who's attending the session with us and contained her phone number and an invitation to go to the pictures with her.

As soon as I got home I phoned her and we made arrangements to go out together on Saturday evening...I'll be confirming things on Friday.

Definitely something to look forward to!

A father was explaining the facts of life to his son. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of love-making:

F: One thing to keep in mind, son, is that different women say different things during the act, even if you are doing the same thing.

S: What do you mean, Dad?

F: Well, for example, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, "Are you done yet?" On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, "Are you done already?"

S: What do other women say?

F: Well, a school teacher will say, "We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!" A nurse will say, "This won't hurt one bit."

S: I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and bend over."

F: That's male nurses. Moving on, a bank teller will say, "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal." A stewardess will say, "Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally."

S: And what does mother say?

F: She says, "Beige... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling beige."