Husband 1.0
HUSBAND 1.0 There are a lot of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0 to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make sure you understand the implications of this change...

For one, system activity will be severely limited and you will be compelled to instigate rigorous daily routines in space management, garbage disposal and disc cleaning often with an accompanying increase in system administration. This program can also be a drain on many resources and demand constant attention. You will encounter an increased amount of interrupts and error messages, while the program often cancels processes without warning, very often crashing the system. In addition, Husband 1.0 often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently appears to be running processes which you have not authorized. If this happens a lot, do not respond to any interactive requests from the program and severely limit demand for extra bytes.

Every evening there will be a huge surge in demand for megabytes and if not satisfied, the process will become unresponsive and has been known on occasion to damage hardware.

Every so often you will be promised a new release of the program, but unfortunately, upon loading this new release, it is generally found to be almost identical to the old one, with very few feature changes and most of the same old annoying bugs which you were undoubtedly promised would not be there in the new release. Put up with it or discontinue use entirely. Husband 1.0 is a flawed program; many of the bugs are so deeply encoded that, even if they can be located, they are impossible to eradicate and have to be tolerated.

Husband 1.0 will frequently make use of low level language and may not understand higher level commands so you must be prepared to use basic functions when required. Often a few robust algorithms in handshaking mode will produce a good response.

After a while, Husband 1.0 has a tendency to take up more space than originally allocated, often spreading in size and slowing down correspondingly. If this happens, be very careful as there is increased risk of complete system failure. Around this time, Husband 1.0 will also tend to lose bits from the top of the stack, although these will often multiply and be found lower down the stack.

Another problem with this program is that Husband 1.0 can also spawn unknown child processes, which can sometimes inadvertently appear, make huge demands on the program and force unwanted interaction with old versions of 1.nightstand.

Sometimes, Husband 1.0 will end a process prematurely, before you have the required result. This generally results in spawned processes scattered over your system which must be located and removed. More often than not, however, Husband 1.0 will appear to take an inordinately long time to complete a relatively simple process. While waiting for tedious processes to complete you may find it useful to distract yourself by perusing manuals for alternative programs, Stud 2.0 or Lover 6.9

On completion of a process, Husband 1.0 will often inadvertently apply the sleep command, or suspend system activity with a Ctrl ZZ. There is nothing you can do in this case, but leave the program and try again later.

Ultimately, as the program becomes older, it will become more difficult to produce hardcopy, and you will find that most of you work ends up on floppies. In addition, you will be needing software support more often than you'd like. If and when this happens, try to find a copy of Toyboy 1.1. Make sure you have used Ctrl ZZ on Husband 1.0 before loading Toyboy 1.1 and, of course, check for viruses before using any new program. Toyboy 1.1 should come with new hardware which can be plugged into any of your ports.

Female Stages of Life AGE - DRINK 17 Wine Coolers 25 White wine 35 Red wine 48 Dom Perignon 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser AGE - EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to color my hair 48 Need

Female Stages of Life AGE - DRINK 17 Wine Coolers 25 White wine 35 Red wine 48 Dom Perignon 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser AGE - EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to color my hair 48 Need to have François color my hair 66 Need to have François color my wig AGE- FAVORITE SPORT 17 Shopping 25 Shopping 35 Shopping 48 Shopping 66 Shopping AGE - DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 Burger King 25 Free meal 35 A diamond 48 A bigger diamond 66 Home Alone AGE - FAVORITE FANTASY 17 Tall, dark and handsome 25 Tall, dark and handsome with money 35 Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48 A man with hair 66 A man AGE- WHAT S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66 AGE- IDEAL DATE 17 He offers to pay 25 He pays 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids 66 He can chew breakfast Male Stages of Life AGE - DRINK 17 Beer 25 Bourbon 35 Vodka 48 Double vodka 66 Maalox AGE - SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancée is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead. AGE - FAVORITE SPORT 17 Sex 25 Sex 35 Sex 48 Napping after Sex %0

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out - Fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc. but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about His father.

"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and give them lap dances. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true. "No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England, but I was just too embarrassed to say..."

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