Parrot squawks on cheating lover's affair
A devastated Englishman learned the horrible truth that his girlfriend was cheating on him - straight from his pet parrot's mouth.

Chris Taylor's parrot Ziggy began squawking "Hiya, Gary" every time his girlfriend Suzy Collins's mobile phone rang.

The African Grey also made kiss noises each time it heard the name Gary on television or radio.

At first amused owner Mr Taylor, a computer programmer, dismissed it as something the bird had picked up watching TV.

But then he snuggled up beside Suzy on the sofa in their flat in Leeds and Ziggy cried out in Suzy's voice "I love you, Gary." The cat was finally out of the bag.

Call-center worker Ms Collins, 25, broke down in tears and confessed to having a four-month fling with a former colleague. She had met her lover in the flat while Ziggy looked on.

Her confession ended their two-year relationship. It also led to 30-year-old Mr Taylor parting company with his pet - because it kept screeching out her lover's name.

Mr Taylor wasn't sorry to see the back of Suzy after what she did, he said. But it really broke his heart to part with eight-year-old Ziggy which he had bought as a chick.

"I lost my girlfriend and best mate at the same time. But it was torture hearing him repeat that name Gary over and over," he said.

Mr Taylor named the parrot after Ziggy Stardust, David Bowie's alter ego. It learned to reproduce the line "Put on your red shoes and dance the blue!" from the Bowie song Let's Dance.

Ziggy has since found a new home with the help of a local parrot dealer.

These are some of the strange, weird and wacky stories of 2005:

A taxi driver in Dallas, Texas, was prosecuted for sprinkling dried faeces on pastries in a grocery shop. Customers had complained that the fresh-baked items smelled and tasted like manure.

A 29-year-old woman in the UK admitted that she had not washed her hair in 11 years.

A traffic warden slapped a parking ticket on a car which had its dead driver slumped at the wheel outside a shopping mall in Sydney, Australia. The warden failed to notice the man inside and issued the parking fine two days before the body was discovered.

A straying couple in Jordan both started sizzling affairs in cyberspace. But the bad news for both is they found out they were married to each other.

A British bank had to apologise to a customer after they sent him a debit card bearing the name "Mr Dick Head". Very embarrassingly for the card owner, he did not spot the mistake until he tried to buy something at a supermarket.

A cat chewed the toes off the right foot of an elderly woman with senile dementia while she was asleep at a home for the aged in Japan. Workers found the 88-year-old woman bleeding from her feet, with all the toes missing from her right foot. Paw prints of a cat were found on the floor of the room.

Dog lovers mourned the death of Sam, the world's ugliest dog. Sam became a celebrity after winning an ugly pet contest in the US twice. When Sam died, its owner said: "I don't think there'll ever be another Sam. Some people might think that's a good thing."

A sparrow nearly ruined a world record attempt at dominoes when it flew in through an exhibition centre window and knocked down 23,000 tiles. Organisers shot the little bird, causing an outcry. As a tribute, the bird's body will be displayed in a museum.

A court in Ontario acquitted a man of sexual assault charges because he suffered from "Sexsomnia" and was, as he claimed, asleep at the time of the incident.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.. If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you are a wimp. If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a pervert. If you don't, you are gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist. If you don't, you are unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain. If you don't, you are a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you are after something. If you don't, you are not thoughtful.

If you are proud of your achievements, you are full of yourself. If you don't, you are not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she is tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you are over-sexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.

I was looking at the TV schedules last night when I noticed that ITV's new sci-fi drama, called 'Primeval', starts tonight.

It seems to rely on a simple enough premise that there are rips in the fabric of time which allow prehistoric creatures to materialise in the present day.

Apparently the reviews are quite promising - I'll be watching tonight since I'm suffering from a cold and certainly won't be wanting to go out.