Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't

10. Have you looked through her briefs?

9. He's one hard judge!

8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.

6. Is it a penal offense?

5. Better leave the handcuffs on.

4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!

3. Can you get him to drop his suit?

2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

1. Think you can get me off?

Apparently this sign is permanently attached to a gatepost somewhere in America.

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Loves other small-dog breeds.

Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more kids,
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Most of them knew him as " F*CK ME !! "

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I've just had a knock on the front door and the contractors working for the water company have asked me to turn my tap on for a couple of minutes so that they can adjust the water pressure for the street fo the weekend. We should be alright now until Monday; we just need to boil any drinking water...but, at least the toilet will flush and I'll be able to have a bath later.

Storm of protest in 'Nowheresville'

The BBC has apologised after a weatherman described the Western Isles of Scotland as "nowheresville".

Viewers complained after Tomasz Schafernaker used the description during two weather bulletins.

During the forecasts on BBC1 and BBC News 24, the meteorologist said there would be rain in the the north-west of Scotland.

He then added that it would be "mainly in the Western Isles, mainly in nowheresville".

Western Isles MP Angus MacNeil said he had been contacted by some angry constituents who were offended at how their part of Britain had been portrayed.

He said one complainer described Mr Schafernaker's comment as "insulting, ignorant and self-satisfied".

Mr MacNeil said: "I think this is symptomatic of the wider attitude the BBC have of the hiding of Scotland - they seem to have stopped reporting on the geographical entirety of the UK."

Mr Schafernaker said: "My intention was only to convey that very few people were likely to catch a shower on that day.

"It was in no way a comment or opinion on the area or the people that live there. I deeply regret my choice of words and fully understand why it offended viewers."

Mummified man found in front of his Long Island TV

HAMPTON BAYS, N.Y. — The partially mummified body of a man dead for more than a year has been found in a chair in front of his television, which was still on, authorities said.

Vincenzo Ricardo, 70, apparently died of natural causes, said Dr. Stuart Dawson, Suffolk County's deputy chief medical examiner.

Police found Ricardo's body this week when they investigated a report of burst pipes.

The home's dry air had preserved his features, morgue assistant Jeff Bacchus said.

"You could see his face. He still had hair on his head," Bacchus said.

Ricardo's wife died years ago, and he lived alone, Dawson said.

"He hasn't been heard from in over a year. That's the part that baffles me," he said. "Nobody sounded the alarm."

Neighbours said they had thought Ricardo was in a hospital or nursing home.

"We never thought to check on him," said neighbor Diane Devon.

Surgeons trying to correct the limp of a five-year-old boy in China has apologised after lengthening the wrong leg.

They say the mistake was down to the boy being anaesthetised on his back but then operated on while lying on his stomach.

Xiangya Second Hospital in Changsha city operated on Miao Mingming whose right leg is shorter than his left.

"The doctor suggested surgery to extend the withered tendon, and we agreed. But when Mingming came out of the operating room, I found his left leg was in the cast," complained his father.

The hospital has admitted its mistake and promised to take full responsibility, reports Xinhua News.

Chief doctor Zhao said: "I am very sorry about what happened. Before the surgery, the patient was lying on his back and received full anaesthesia, and then the surgery was done with the patient lying on his stomach."

Now Mingming has to undergo two more operations, one to extend the right leg, the other to shorten the extended left leg.