Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

The city of Key West in the small island of the same name in Florida is south of any other city in the continental United States. But according to some imaginative souls in Key West, it stopped being so for a minute in 1982. The only way to commute between Key West and the rest of the country is Highway 1. Illegal Haitian and Cuban immigrants used the highway so in April of 1982, the federal government blocked the highway to check identification. The traffic jams this caused totally separated Key West from the rest of the country. As a protest, the mayor of Key West declared independence calling the area Conch Republic noon of April 23, 1982. One minute later he rejoined the country and asked for a billion dollar in foreign aid. As a source of amusement, the day of April 23 is still celebrated in the city of Key West.

Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer comes to him and says, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

The wrestler nods in agreement.

Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circle each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunges forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment goes up from the crowd, and the trainer buries his face in his hands for he knows all is lost. He can't watch the ending.

Suddenly there's a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raises his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hits the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapses on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer is astounded! When he finally gets the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answers, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"

WHAT ARE THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN A WOMAN AND A TORNADO?

THEY SCREAM WHEN THEY COME AND TAKE THE HOUSE WHEN THEY LEAVE.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"