Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widowed father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening, he went to a singles bar, where he spots the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, her natural beauty takes his breath away.

I may look just like an ordinary man," he says, as he walks up to her,"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Charles that evening, and the next day, she became his stepmother.

Will men ever learn?

There is an island between Finland and Sweden where the boundary had to be altered because of a lighthouse. The island of Market is divided between Sweden and Finland. The lighthouse on it was erected in 1885 by Russians, who ruled Finland. As it was actually on the Swedish side of the border, the boundary had to be corrected in Finland's favour. Finland was nice enough to give a similar piece of territory to the Swedes. This creates salients that are only about 40 feet long and makes the boundaries butterfly-shaped where straight line would have been the norm.

LONDON (Reuters) - Chelsea warned their fans on Friday against throwing celery during matches, saying it was a criminal offence and that anyone caught lobbing the popular salad vegetable could be banned.

The unlikely warning follows referee reports which mention celery-throwing at two recent Chelsea matches and which are being investigated by the Football Association, the club said on its Web site (www.chelseafc.com).

The FA's investigation could result in sanctions being taken against the club, who said "the throwing of anything at a football match, including celery, is a criminal offence for which you can be arrested and end up with a criminal record.

"In future, if anyone is found attempting to bring celery into Stamford Bridge they could be refused entry and anyone caught throwing celery will face a ban."

The club also urged fans who spot anyone throwing celery in the stadium to call a telephone number, adding that "all calls will be treated in confidence."

Though apparently a growing problem with it landing on the pitch, Chelsea fans have been throwing celery among themselves, and singing an unprintable song about the vegetable, for more than two decades.

Element - Woman
Symbol - Wo
Discoverer - Adam
Atomic Mass - Accepted as 118, but known to vary from 100 to 460 lbs.
Occurrence - Copious quantities in all urban areas
Physical properties:
1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure when applied to correct points.
Chemical properties:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a Male.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known.

Common uses:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be great aid to relaxation.
Tests:
1. Pure specimen turns a rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Hazards:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one.