Posts archive for: 21 March, 2007
  • Ten Reasons Why Hallowe'en Is Better Than Sex

    10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

    9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

    8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

    7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

    6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.

    5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

    4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

    3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

    2. Less guilt the morning after.

    1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

  • Interrupted midstream.

    I've just been upstairs for a pee and was startled by an American voice coming from downstairs. It was actually my Avast! antivirus software giving me an audio confirmation that it had auto-updated. It's a very good free application that I would happily recommend...it's just that sometimes when I'm away from the screen I am still obviously startled by the voice prompt.

  • World's Funniest Joke [2002]

    LONDON, England -- The world's funniest joke has been revealed after a year-long search by scientists.

    In an experiment conducted in Britain, people around the world were invited to judge jokes on an Internet site as well as contribute their own.

    The LaughLab research, carried out by psychologist Dr. Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire, attracted more than 40,000 jokes and almost two million ratings.

    And here it is...

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

    He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

    Wiseman said the joke worked across many different countries and appealed to men and women and young and old alike.

    "Many of the jokes submitted received higher ratings from certain groups of people, but this one had real universal appeal," he said.

    As well as identifying the joke which appealed most to people around the world, the experiment revealed wide humour differences between nations.

    People logging onto the LaughLab Web site were invited to rate jokes using a "Giggleometer" which had a five-point scale ranging from "not very funny" to "very funny".

    One intriguing result was that Germans -- not renowned for their sense of humour -- found just about everything funny and did not express a strong preference for any type of joke. (Full story)

    People from the Republic of Ireland, the UK, Australia and New Zealand most enjoyed jokes involving word plays.

    Many European countries, such as France, Denmark and Belgium, displayed a penchant for off-beat surreal humour, while Americans and Canadians preferred jokes where there was a strong sense of superiority -- either because a character looks stupid or is made to look stupid by someone else.

    Europeans also enjoyed jokes that involved making light of topics that make people feel anxious, such as death, illness and marriage.

    Wiseman said: "These results are really interesting. It suggests that people from different parts of the world have fundamentally different senses of humour.

    "Humour is vital to communication and the more we understand about how people's culture and background affect their sense of humour, the more we will be able to communicate effectively.

    "Also, we find jokes funny for lots of different reasons. They sometimes make us feel superior to others, reduce the emotional impact of anxiety-provoking situations or surprise us because of some kind of incongruity.

    "The hunters joke contained all three elements."

    Bizarrely, computer analysis of the data also showed that jokes containing 103 words were thought to be especially funny. The winning "hunters" joke was 102 words long. (An abbreviated version was told in this story.)

    Many jokes submitted contained references to animals. Jokes mentioning ducks were considered particularly funny.

  • Taking the puss

    An Australian bank has issued a credit card to a customer's cat.

    The Bank of Queensland gave Messiah the moggy a credit limit of £1,660.

    Messiah's owner, Katherine Campbell from Melbourne, applied for the card in her cat's name to test bank security.

    Ms Campbell told reporters that the bank requested identification from Messiah but later sent a credit card without receiving any proof of ID.

    And she says she was not notified that a secondary credit card attached to her account had been issued.

    Ms Campbell said the envelope containing her cat's credit card, the letter inside and the credit card itself were all addressed to Messiah Campbell.

    "I just couldn't believe it," she said. "People need to be aware of this and banks need to have better security."

    The bank has apologised for the error but stated that people who apply for credit cards must sign to confirm the information provided is true.

  • Logic

    A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man." The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"

  • Budget Day

    Later today, Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown will be delivering his annual budget speech in the House of Commons.

    No doubt it will be bad news if you smoke, drink, drive a vehicle, are buying or selling a house, or earn sufficient to pay income tax.

    It's fortunate for me that I live a rather boring and minimalist lifestyle I suppose then.

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