Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols. Here are some of the humorous lines she received:

Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly

We three kings of porridge and tar

On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me

Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

He's makin a list, chicken and rice.

Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.

With the jelly toast proclaim

Olive, the other reindeer. (all of the other reindeer)

Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say

Sleep in heavenly peas

In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown

You'll go down in listerine

Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

O come, froggy faithful

You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"

) The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes."
2) The Dentist because he says, "Open Wide."
3) The Hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown."
4) The Milkman because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
5) The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
6) The Banker because he says, "If you take it out to soon, you'll lose interest."
7) The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em."
8) The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
9) The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
10) The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

Today's purchases from Jack Fulton's;

Knorr Italian Chicken (French language packaging - 2 for £1.50) Roast breast of chicken, penne pasta, cherry tomatoes, broccolli and sauce.

Knorr Lemon Chicken (French language packaging - 2 for £1.50) Roast breast of chicken, potatoes, courgettes, cherry tomatoes, aubergines and sauce.

Bird's Eye Sicilian Fish Fillets - £1. Hake fillet, baked peppers, courgettes, baked red onions.

If you can start the day without caffeine;
If you can get going without pep pills;
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains;
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles;
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it;
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time;
If you can forgive a friend`s lack of consideration;
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of your own, something goes wrong;
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment;
If you can ignore a friend`s limited education and never correct him;
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend;
If you can face the world without lies and deceit;
If you can conquer tension without medical help;
If you can relax without liquor;
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs;
If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against anyone based on creed, color, religion, politics, or sexual orientation...
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.