Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

A man was surprised to discover his mortgage had been paid off and that his wife was getting a £25,000 payout.

But Harry Wood's delight turned to shock when he was told it was because he was dead, reports the Daily Mirror.

When he rang insurers Norwich Union to investigate the man he spoke to said: "But I'm looking at your death certificate."

Paper mill worker Harry, 45, of Heysham, Lancs, added: "If I'd have been a rogue I could have kept the money."

The company said: "A man with the same name and date of birth has died. We apologise for the mix-up."

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day
of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells,
"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

A report in this morning's Sunday Times says that large-scale switching to biofuels is a scam and actually harms the environment because of the amount of trees that have to be destroyed in order to grow either the biofuel crop itself, or for growing food which has now been replaced by biofuel plantations.

Bleeding obvious I should have thought!

What happens if you don't pay the exorcist?
You get repossessed.

Q: How do you tell the clan of a Scotsman?
A: Look up his kilt. If it's not wimpy, then he's a MacDonald.

Q: How do frogs die?
A: They Kermit suicide!