Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

A very loudmouthed, unattractive, mean-looking woman
walks into Wal-Mart, with her two unruly kids in tow,
screams obscenities at them all the way through the
entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, “Good morning, welcome to
Wal-Mart …. nice children you have there, are they twins?”
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say,
“Hell no, they ain’t, the oldest one, he’s 9, and the
youngest one, she’s 7. Why the hell would you think
they’re twins? Are you blind or just plain stupid? Do you
really think they look alike?”
“No,” replies the greeter. “I just couldn’t believe you got
laid twice.”

German driver swallows false teeth

A German lorry driver caused a crash on a busy autobahn after biting into an apple and swallowing his false teeth.

Peter Seiler, 57, was driving on the A3 motorway near Wurzburg when he decided to tuck into the apple.

But he chocked on a piece of the apple and as he coughed he ended up swallowing his false teeth.

As he struggled for air he lost control of the lorry and crashed into another car.

No-one was hurt in the incident.

Judge: 'What's a website?'

A judge trying an internet terror case stunned a court by admitting he did not know what a website was.

Judge Peter Openshaw brought a halt to the trial as a witness was being quizzed about an extremist web forum.

He told prosecutors at Woolwich Crown Court: "The trouble is I don't understand the language. I don't really understand what a website is."

Prosecutor Mark Ellison tried to help the judge by explaining. But Judge Openshaw, 59, admitted: "I haven't quite grasped the concepts."

Later he said he hoped a computer expert would give "simple" evidence when called to the stand.

Judge Openshaw said: "Will you ask him to keep it simple? We've got to start from basics."

I've just put out the green wheelie bin [for garden waste] for the binmen. It's the first time I've used it since it was delivered last year; it's full of my foxgloves which were flattened by the recent heavy rain.