Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or their lips to lip-read.
After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

"Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals?

For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times."

The husband thinks this is a great idea.

He suggests to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time.

If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.

I've just politely, yet firmly, put the phone down on another telemarketing call.

A couple of years ago I signed up for the Telephone Preference Scheme which supposedly removes your name from the databases available to this companies: it didn't work though; I've still been receiving as many of these unwanted phone calls - but at least they didn't seem to use my name...maybe my number was just randomly selected.

However, for the last few weeks now they've started asking for me by name again.

BEIJING (Reuters) - Beijing's battle to standardize and correct English-language signs ahead of the 2008 Olympics has claimed another head -- "W.C.".

By the end of the year, all public conveniences in the city will be called "toilets" instead of the venerable, Victorian-era sounding abbreviation for "water closet", state media reported on Wednesday.

"In many Western countries they don't use the term W.C. at all," the Beijing Morning Post said.

"Because in English, it's equivalent to what we would call in China an outhouse, and is a rather crude slang term," it added, without explaining how it had got this impression.

Britain's longest courtship?

A couple have finally tied the knot - after 49 years, nine children, 22 grandchildren and 25 great-grandchildren.

Every time Ted Towle, 83, proposed to Hilda Clark, 73, she turned him down, reports the Daily Mirror.

Then six months ago, he was stunned when she proposed to him. They finally married at the weekend to cheers from their delighted family.

Hilda said: "Ours must be one of the longest courtships ever. But now I'm so happy I wonder why I waited so long to marry. I'm so proud to call Ted my husband after all this time."

Ted added: "When Hilda said, 'I do', I said 'about time'. Hilda won't be rushed into anything, but I'm thrilled that she's finally made an honest man of me."

The couple, from Nottingham, realised soon after they met in 1958 they had found their partner for life.

But feisty Hilda constantly turned down Ted's proposals.

She explained: "I had always been sceptical of marriage after getting wed when I was very young. One divorce is enough for anyone. I thought, 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it'."

Ted finally stopped proposing but last November everything changed for Hilda when grandson Paul fell seriously ill.

Hilda said: "That terrible ordeal with Paul put everything into perspective and I realised Ted and I had to get married. Suddenly, everything became clear and I knew exactly what to do."