Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

I like to watch documentaries and current affairs programmes on TV. Tonight at 8 o'clock three current affairs programmes are on at the same time; Panorama, Tonight and Dispatches. I can't even record one of them because my VCR is coupled up to the TV set upstairs which doesn't have an aerial.

Thank you BBC, ITV and Channel 4 for your consideration.

STUNNED nature-lover Dorothy Berry was ticked off by her local council over noise — from BIRDSONG in her garden.

The official note from environmental health warned of “a complaint alleging nuisance caused by birds singing”.

Great gran Dorothy said last night: “When I saw the letter I thought someone was larking about.

“I have a lovely garden in which the blackbirds sing in the trees and on the aerial of the house.

“But I really don’t see what we can do about that.”

The letter to Dorothy claimed the problem was caused by birdsong “arising from your premises during the early hours”.

It went on: “In the interests of preventing any possible disturbance to nearby residents you may wish to consider if any such noise is likely to cause offence.

“If so, your prompt action in resolving this matter will be appreciated.”

But Dorothy, 65, of Fulham, West London, has not kept birds INSIDE her home since her beloved pet cockatiel died last year.

She added: “We have so much wildlife, it’s so beautiful. The frogs croak in the pond - maybe they are doing that too loudly?”

Dorothy phoned the environmental health officer who wrote the letter.

He told her it could not be proved where the birdsong was coming from.

The officer visited the house of the person who complained — but could not hear any birdsong from Dorothy’s home in the early hours.

He phoned next day to say she had “no case to answer”.

Dorothy said: “You would have thought the council would have had better things to do.”

A spokesman for Hammersmith and Fulham Council said: “We are aware that this matter has ruffled a few feathers.

“But we must investigate all complaints from residents — however bizarre they may appear.”

An 87-year-old man gave his relatives a shock in Taiwan - when he woke up at his own funeral.

The man's relatives were in a Buddhist mourning hall, reciting prayers over the dead body, when it gasped and woke up, the Shanghai Daily reports.

The family had been told by the hospital which had been treating the man that the only thing keeping him alive were oxygen hoses, and that he would die quickly if they were removed.

The family opted to take him out of the hospital so that he could die at home.

They removed the oxygen hoses, dressed him in funeral clothes, and placed him in the mourning hall - until he started breathing heavily.

The family sent him back to the hospital. Doctors are reportedly baffled as to his impressive recovery.

Inmates of an Indian prison are reportedly refusing to apply for bail because the food is so good.

Parappana Agrahara prison in Bangalore is crowded with 4,700 inmates, more than twice its capacity.

Criminals are refusing to apply for bail to get out while juvenile offenders are lying about their age to get in, reports the Bangalore Mirror.

The paper says the reason is healthy food being served by ISKCON, or the International Society for Krishna Consciousness, a Hindu evangelist organisation.

ISKCON, commonly known as the Hare Krishna movement, started serving its pure-vegetarian fare in the jail in May under contract from the prisons department.

Lunch and dinner typically include piping hot rice, two vegetables and a spicy lentil dish called sambar and buttermilk.

A dessert is added on festival days and national holidays like Independence Day, and also once a week.

Prisoner Raja Reddy, who has been arrested 20 times in 30 years for theft, robbery and burglary, said: "When we are getting tasty, nutritious food three times a day here, why should we go out and commit crimes."