Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

A round-the-clock television channel devoted exclusively to ageing, dying and death is to be launched in Germany.

Eos TV will feature documentaries about graveyards, televised obituaries, tips on finding a decent retirement home and even how to install in-house stair lifts.

Wolf Tilmann Schneider, 51, a former TV producer, has joined forces with Germany's funeral association to launch the 24-hour, seven days a week channel on cable television and the internet.

He said: "More than 800,000 people died in Germany last year. Multiply that by four and you have a rough estimate of the number of relatives affected.

"They will be our target audience. We are convinced that Eos TV will attract viewers."

The channel aims to capitalise on the changing demographics in a country that has one of the lowest birth rates in the world.

Last year there were almost 150,000 more deaths than births, and an estimated 2.1 million elderly people were receiving professional care.

Viewers who tune into Eos TV can expect to be entertained by documentaries highlighting the beauty and tranquillity of graveyards both in Germany and abroad.

"It may come as a surprise, but older people really enjoy visiting cemeteries - not just to mourn, but for their peace and quiet," Mr Schneider said.

(The Royal National Theatre of Britain)

1. Waiting for Godot (Samuel Beckett)
2. Death of a Salesman (Arthur Miller)
3. A Streetcar Named Desire (Tennessee Williams)
4. Look Back in Anger (John Osborne)
5. Long Day's Journey into Night (Eugene O'Neill)
6. The Crucible (Arthur Miller)
7. Private Lives (Noël Coward)
8. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead (Tom Stoppard)
9. Angels in America (Tony Kushner)
10. The Caretaker (Harold Pinter)

I used to watch a lot of live theatre [and still would if I had the opportunity] but have only seen numbers 2 and 3. I've never heard of number nine on the list.

Cop mistook canal for road

A German policeman left a Wiltshire pub and drove straight into a canal after mistaking it for a wet road.

Jozef Cene, 38, drove out of the car park at midnight, stopped by the canal, indicated and plunged into the water.

Locals at the Barge Inn in Honeystreet, Wiltshire, waded in to free Jozef from his submerged Fiat Punto, reports the Sun.

His legs were trapped in the car door by the water pressure, but rescuers managed to haul him to safety from the chest-high canal.

Berlin policeman Jozef was breathalysed but it proved negative. The hire car was later winched out.

He said: "I am very embarrassed. I saw the muddy water and thought it was tarmac. I am very grateful to the people who helped me out."

Pipe welder Patrick Povey, 25, who jumped in to help Jozef, said: "I was having a drink and the next thing I knew this chap drove his car straight into the canal."

Jennings Police Department employee, Eleanor Beal was just crossing the street to go to work when something dropped from the sky.

The sky wasn't falling. She says it was worms, large tangled clumps of them.

Beal says, "When I saw that they were crawling, I said, 'It's worms! Get out of the way!'"

She even called her co-worker outside to prove she wasn't making it up.

Sure enough, she saw worms, and globs of them.

Where they came from is a mystery, but some believe that a water spout spotted less than five miles away at that same time near Lacassine Bayou could have something to do with it.

Eleanor Beal says she hopes she doesn't see it again.

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"