Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

A teenage granddaughter
comes downstairs to meet her date
wearing a see-through blouse and no bra.

Her grandmother nearly had fit, telling her not to dare go out like that.

The teenager tells her,
"Loosen up Grams.
These are modern times.
you gotta let your rose buds show."
and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs and her grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over, and that it is just not appropriate.

The grandmother says,
"Loosen up"
Sweetie.
If you can show off your rose buds
Then I can display my hanging baskets."

I'm just watching news reports of the PM's visit to Yorkshire to inspect the flooded areas. We are honored; he's only a bloody week and a half late!

And how's his government going to help these areas? Well, he's making £14m of government money available. Yes; that's correct...£14 million; a paltry amount considering all the damage to infrastructure, commerce and property. Good God Gordon; we're having to build a refugee camp in Doncaster because so many people have been made homeless.

It's not just money, we need manpower: Mr. Brown has got a wonderful opportunity to bring the troops back from Iraq and deploy them in Doncaster, Sheffield and Hull where they are well and truly needed. Will he seize the moment?

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you'll be eight.

RICHMOND, Virginia: Deadly methane gas from a US dairy farm's manure pit has killed five people in a tragic sequence as each tried to save the person who went in before, authorities say.

Emergency workers believe that each victim climbed into the pit in a frantic attempt to rescue the others. "It was a domino effect with one person going in, the second person going after them," Sheriff Don Farley said.

He identified the victims as Scott Showalter, 33; his wife, Phyllis, 34; their children, Shayla, 11, and Christina, 9; and Amous Stoltzfus, 24, a farm worker.

The accident began on Monday night when Mr Showalter tried to transfer manure from one small pit to a larger one. A pipe became clogged, and he climbed into the pit to fix the blockage, Mr Farley said. He apparently was overcome by the gas, a byproduct of the liquefied manure.

Emergency workers believe Mr Stoltzfus climbed into the pit in an attempt to rescue Mr Showalter. When the men did not come out, Mrs Showalter and her daughters apparently made their way in, all succumbing to the gas.

I was in the pub last night and an acquaintance asked me if he could use my mobile phone because he'd left his at home; of course, I don't have one though. He then asked someone else, and he didn't own a mobile either. Later on I also noticed a couple of people use the payphone at the bar as well.

It just shows there are still a few of us who haven't got mobile phones yet.