Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

A crocodile survived a fall from the 12th floor of a Russian apartment block after making an escape bid through a window, emergency services said on Wednesday.

Diving out of the window has become a habit for the crocodile, called Khenar, with concerned neighbors saying it was the third time he had used that method to flee, Moskovsky Komsomolets daily reported.

The crocodile lost one tooth in the latest fall but was otherwise unscathed, said a spokeswoman for the emergencies ministry in the Nizhny Novgorod region of central Russia.

"It seems the owner was not at home when the crocodile came out of the window," she said.

Emergency services put the crocodile in a local aquarium to recover from his fall. Within a few hours his concerned owner came to pick him up and the crocodile was last seen lying on the back seat of his owner's car.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, the Archangel Gabriel found him on the seventh day, resting.
He inquired of God, “where have you been?”
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. “Look what I have made Gabriel”, said God.
Archangel Gabriel looked puzzled. “What is it?” he asked.
“It’s a planet”, replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. It’s going to be a place of great balance.”
“Balance?” replied Gabriel, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of the Earth. “For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, whilst South America will be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hotspot and Russia will be a cold spot. There I’ve placed a continent of white people and over here is a continent of black people.”

God continued, pointing out different countries. This one will be dry and arid whilst this one will be cold and covered in ice.
The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a small but significant landmass and said, “what’s this one?”
“Ah”, said God, “that’s Yorkshire, the most glorious place in my creation. There are beautiful lakes, fast flowing great rivers that go from wonderful dales right down to the sea by golden beaches, silver streams that tumble down from magnificent blindingly white limestone, tall forests, heather-strewn moors, fertile meadows with iron and coal beneath. The people who will live in this God’s own country are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they will be found travelling the world, for they are to be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving. In fact, they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and bringers of peace and harmony.”
Gabriel gasped in wonder and admiration at his Lord’s awesome creation but then proclaimed, “What about balance Lord? You said there would always be BALANCE!”

God replied wisely, “Wait till you see who I’m putting next door to them in Lancashire!”

A Cockney lady teaching maths in a challenging inner city school
had occasion to chastise one of her female pupils. The girl ran out of
the classroom and went home to tell her mother what had happened.

Very soon afterwards the girl and her mother demanded to speak to the
headmaster. "What's the problem?" he asked.
The mother said to the girl, "Tell him what Mrs.X called you".
The girl then told the headmaster, "She called me a fu**in' lyin' doormat!".

Shocked, the headmaster summoned the teacher to his office. "What, exactly, did you say to that girl this morning?" Mrs.X replied,

"I just told her her faculties were lying dormant"!

Food stalls attached to Beijing's public toilets will be removed in good time for next year's Olympics, state media said Saturday.

Complaints over toilets with poor sanitation and toilet operators turning them into commercial operations led to the ban, which comes into force in October.

"It is not proper to sell soft drinks or snacks right at the toilets," the Beijing News said, citing sources within the Beijing Municipal Administration Commission.

"The city authorities also plan to publish a toilet guide, provide toilet information over the telephone and the Internet and erect more road signs to help toilet users."

Billboards near toilets will also be banned, Xinhua news agency said.

Notoriously polluted Beijing is cleaning up its act before it hosts the Olympics. It has also announced crackdowns on spitting and smelly taxis.