Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

A professor was asked to give a talk on "Sex".

When his turn came, he stood, walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone just so. He said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure . . ."

He then sat back down.

The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in a hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 2004 your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows:

10"- 12" Luxury Tax..........$30.00
8"- 10" Pole Tax.............$25.00
5"- 8" Privilege Tax.........$15.00
4"- 5" Nuisance Tax..........$3.00

Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!

Sincerely, Pecker Checker IRS

*NOTE*

We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:

- Are there penalties for early withdrawals? - What if one's penis is self employed? - Do multiple partners count as a corporation? - Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? - Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?

Woman hit by falling cat to sue 200

A Chinese woman knocked out by a cat falling from a block of flats is to sue 200 residents because none will admit responsibility.

Tang Meirong, 53, of Chongqing city, was sent to hospital after being hit by the cat, reports Chongqing Business News.

"I was walking on the footpath under the building, and suddenly a heavy object hit my head. I remember nothing afterwards," she said.

After regaining consciousness, Tang called police but the building manager told officers it would be very difficult to identify the cat owner.

Tang says she will sue all 200 residents whose flats face the street if none of them come forward to take responsibility.

The cat was killed by the fall.

At the moment I'm suffering with a rash that covers my neck and shoulders. I'm not sure what causes it, but I seem to get an outbreak one or twice every summer - it must be something to do with the hot weather.

My skin starts out as red and clammy and then becomes dry and flaky.

I use emollient cream on it, which seems to help...but I'll be stuck with the symptoms until the rash runs its course.

What's dumb? Instructions on toilet paper.
What's dumber than that? Reading them.

What's even dumber? Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you've been doing wrong.