Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

An eccentric tea shop owner is causing a stir by barring people who flout a strict set of rules.

David Daly warns customers they will be asked to leave his Brighton shop if they dunk their biscuits.

Other rules include not putting your elbows on the table, not insulting the Queen, never handling sugar cubes and not sipping from teaspoons, reports the Brighton Argus.

Customers have jokingly described Mr Daly as a Fascist and even set up a website and discussion forum.

One described Tea Cosy Rooms as "the scariest place ever" while another said she had witnessed ejections for "biscuit wetting".

Another customer said: "If you dare talk when the piano lady is performing you are out."

Banging a teaspoon against a cup and using a mobile phone is banned outright, as is talking "louder than two shakes of a tea cup".

Mr Daly says the menu and setting is based on high tea at the Ritz.

The 30-year-old says he is far from being a Fascist and is actually "very nice" in real life..

He said: "People have to obey the rules and if not they are asked to leave. It is the art of tea drinking - this is not going to Starbucks with a mug of coffee."

Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?".

The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit."

So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?".

"Sure!", says his buddy.

"Where did it go?", the first guy asks.

The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember."

Two dyslexic skiers are arguing at the top of the piste. One is insisting that they zig-zag down the slope, while the other is sure that the correct term is zag-zig. They see a man approching them and decide to ask his advice. "Excuse me," one says, "but we wish to ski down this slope, and don't know whether to zig-zag, or zag zig. What to you think?"

The man says, "I'm sorry, but I can't help you - I'm not a skier, I'm a tobogganist."

"In that case" says one "can you sell me twenty cigarrettes?"