Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

I've just been to see 'The Bourne Ultimatum' at the cinema with my brother. He can be bloody annoying at times though; he arrives at the last minute and then waits until he's reached the front of the queue to get his money out. Of course he doesn't keep his money in a wallet, or even loose change in his pocket like anyone else does; no, he has to rummage in his rucksack for a carrier bag. Inside the carrier bag he then rummages for a plastic bank bag where he keeps his money and then takes an eternity to find the correct amount.

It's fortunate it wasn't busy.

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.
She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

An Indian suspect was forced by police to eat 50 bananas as a laxative, to retrieve a necklace he was accused of stealing and swallowing.

When the bananas failed to produce the desired effect, police fed Sheikh Mohsin rice, chicken and local bread.

Finally the necklace, which appeared on an X-ray taken on the suspect, was excreted and retrieved, reports the BBC.

Mr Mohsin will appear in court in the eastern city of Calcutta, and could face a prison sentence.

Police say he snatched a gold necklace worth £550 from a woman as she shopped for toys on Saturday.

When cornered by police, he swallowed the necklace.

The suspect was fed 50 bananas on doctor's advice, after the X-ray dealt a blow to his denials.

But only after a further meal did he yield the necklace, Calcutta police deputy commissioner Gyanwant Singh explained.