Passenger 'has bath' on plane

An air passenger in China shocked cabin crews when they found him taking a sponge bath in the toilet.

Passengers on the flight from Nanning to Chongqing complained that the man was spending too much time in the toilet.

An air attendant knocked on the door, and then noticed water flowing out from underneath it, reports the Chongqing Morning News.

"We had to open the door with a key, and saw that the man was half naked," said the attendant.

"When he saw me, he said he was bathing, and asked me if I had some shampoo."

The man, Jin Sheng, said it was his first time on a plane.

"I discovered the bathroom had hot water, so I thought of taking a bath, since I hadn't had one for nearly a week," he explained.

The airline could not punish or charge Jin, as there is nothing in the regulations to prohibit passengers from having a mid-flight bath.

In London, one man to another:
A: "You know, my daughter has married an Irishman"
B: "Oh, really?"
A: "No, O'Reilly"

For those tired of the usual "friend" poems, a touch of reality.

When you are sad,.............
I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue,..........
I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.
When you smile,............
I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared,.........
I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried,.........
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused,........
I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick.........
Stay away from me until your well again, I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall......
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath...............
I pledge till the end. Why you may ask?........
Because you're my friend.

A young man comes before a customs agent.
A: "State your citizenship."
B:"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again."
B: "I sed American."
A: "I'm going to give you a test."
B: "No, no Señor, no need for test, I tell you I'm American."
A: "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colours: green, pink and yellow."
B: "Oh Señor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-law's house and the phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!"

A Swedish television presenter has become a hit on YouTube after she vomited live on air but continued with the show.

So far, nearly 250,000 people have watched Eva Nazemson's display of professionalism on the video sharing site.

Nazemson was hosting a late night phone-in game show on TV4 Plus when she suddenly become ill, reports Metro.

As a male caller tried to solve a word puzzle, Nazemson quickly turned her head to one side and vomited.

She disappeared off screen for a few seconds but quickly reappeared to continue with the phone-in.

Eva was quick to clarify the reason for her sudden sickness: "I'm having period pains and they can make you feel really sick," she told viewers.

A lady walked into a bar and there
were no seats available, except for
one at a table that was occupied by
a man, and she decides to take it.
He said, "Hello, my name is Jim Snow,
what's yours?"
The women replied, "June."
She went to get a drink and Jim Snow
sat there smiling at her. When she
came back he still sat there smiling.
June was a little embarrassed, so
she bashfully said, "Why are you smiling
at me like that?"
Jim answered, "Well, just imagine
having 6 inches of Snow in June!"

A Cornish man is attempting to break the record for the longest telephone conversation.

Tony Wright, who claimed the record for the longest period without sleeping after he stayed awake for 11 days, hopes to stay on the phone for more than 39 hours.

Mr Wright, from Penzance, Cornwall, is calling from his home to a Tesco store in London.

Customers at the Kensington Tesco are taking it in turns in 20-minute slots to talk to the 42-year-old.

The conversation was started by TV weather girl Sian Lloyd.

Mr Wright said: "I have a great feeling about this record. The current record sits at 39 hours, I think I can absolutely smash that.

"I've been exercising my vocal cords for the past few weeks so they're primed and ready for making record-breaking history."

Tesco is to donate £100 to the British Red Cross for every hour Mr Wright spends talking.

If you are in Sudan it is a 'missed call'. In Ethiopia it is a 'miskin' or a 'pitiful' call. In other parts of Africa it is a case of 'flashing', 'beeping' or in French-speaking areas 'bipage'.

Wherever you are, it is one of the fastest-growing phenomena in the continent's booming mobile telephone markets -- and it's a headache for mobile operators who are trying to figure out how to make some money out of it.

You beep someone when you call them up on their mobile phone -- setting its display screen briefly flashing -- then hang up half a second later, before they have had a chance to answer. Your friend -- you hope -- sees your name and number on their list of 'Missed Calls' and calls you back at his or her expense.

It is a tactic born out of ingenuity and necessity, say analysts who have tracked an explosion in miskin calls by cash-strapped cellphone users from Cape Town to Cairo.

"Its roots are as a strategy to save money," said Jonathan Donner, an India-based researcher for Microsoft who is due to publish a paper on "The Rules of Beeping" in the high-brow online Journal of Computer Mediated Communication in October.

Donner first came across beeping in Rwanda, then tracked it across the continent and beyond, to south and southeast Asia. Studies quoted in his paper estimate between 20 to more than 30 percent of the calls made in Africa are just split-second flashes -- empty appeals across the cellular network.

The beeping boom is being driven by a sharp rise in mobile phone use across the continent.

Africa had an estimated 192.5 million mobile phone users in 2006, up from just 25.3 million in 2001, according to figures from the U.N.'s International Telecommunication Union. Customers may have enough money for the one-off purchase of a handset, but very little ready cash to spend on phone cards for the prepaid accounts that dominate the market.

Africa's mobile phone companies say the practice has become so widespread they have had to step in to prevent their circuits being swamped by second-long calls.

"We have about 355 million calls across the whole network every day," said Faisal Ijaz Khan, chief marketing officer for the Sudanese arm of Kuwaiti mobile phone operator Zain (formerly MTC). "And then there are another 130 million missed calls every day. There are a lot of missed calls in Africa."

'CALL ME BACK'

Zain is responding to the demand by drawing up plans for a "Call-me-back" service in Sudan, letting customers send open requests in the form of a very basic signal to friends for a phone call.

The main advantage for the company is that the requests will be diverted from the main network and pushed through using a much cheaper technology (USSD or Unstructured Supplementary Service Data).

A handful of similar schemes are springing up across Africa, says Informa principal analyst Devine Kofiloto. "It is widespread. It is a concern for operators in African countries, whose networks become congested depending on the time of day with calls they cannot bill for.

"They try to discourage the practice by introducing services where customers can send a limited number of 'call-back' request either free of charge or for a minimum fee."

There are plenty of other reasons why mobile operators are keen to cut down on the practice. One is it annoys customers, pestered by repeated missed calls.

A second is that 'flashes' eat into one of mobile phone companies' favorite performance indicators -- ARPU or average revenue per user. Miscalls earn very little in themselves - and don't always persuade the target to ring back.

Orange Senegal, Kofiloto said, lets customers send a 'Rappelle moi' ('Call me back') when their phone credit drops below $0.10. With Safaricom Kenya, it is a "Flashback 130" (limited to five a day -- and with the admonishment 'Stop Flashing! Ask Nicely'). Vodacom DR Congo's 'Rappelez moi SVP' service costs $0.01 a message.

MORE THAN MONEY

But beeping is not only about money. Donner's 'Rules of Beeping' suggests a social protocol for the practice.

"The richer guy pays," he writes. It is acceptable to beep someone if you are short of cash and they are flush with credit. Never beep someone poorer than you.

Never beep someone you are tapping for a favor. You don't want to risk annoying the person you are trying to win over. Never flash your girlfriend, unless you want to look cheap.

"Most beeps are requests to the mobile owner to call back immediately, but can also send a pre-negotiated instrumental message such as pick me up now,' or send a relational sign, such as I'm thinking of you,'" the paper says.

It can go even further than that.

Cameroonian researchers Victor W.A. Mbarika and Irene Mbarika identified a different kind of beeping-powered relational call in a study for the technology association the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE).

"Lovers often communicate with text messages or beeping'," said the study. "One party dials another's number and then hangs up. One ring could mean, I am here,' two rings, Call me now.'"

And the name they gave this new entry in the beeping lexicon? Borrowing a street slang term for an appeal for sex, they christened it "the booty call."

Firearms shops in the US are stocking pink rifles and shotguns to encourage girls to get into shooting.

A report in the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel says the Gander Mountain hunting store in Waukesha stocks several pink guns.

They include a Remington 20-gauge shotgun with a pink and black stock emblazoned with the slogan: "Shoot like a girl if you can!"

Store manager Chris Hanson said the guns were aimed, so to speak, at girls and women interested in hunting.

He said the shotgun, and a Crickett rifle with a bright pink stock, were both selling well.

In Baraboo, Jim Astle, owner of Jim's Gun Supply in Baraboo, has been coating guns in pink and other colours for four years. His 12-year-old daughter owns a pink camouflage shotgun.

"Females want to shoot guns, but they want them to look pretty, too," he said. "Guys could give a rat's butt what their gun looks like."

Connie Cody, a 48-year-old administrative assistant in Kenosha, said she wishes she had seen pink guns for sale after she completed her hunter safety course 18 months ago.

Since then, she has bought a 9-millimetre pistol, a .357 revolver, a .38 Derringer and a .380 pistol, all in traditional colours.

"If they stock them," Cody vowed after learning about pink guns, "I'm going to buy one."

I've just found this. I hope it is true; I've checked a few letters, but not them all.

"To be or not to be: that is the question, whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."

And the anagram:
"In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten."

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.

The correct way to spell potato...

If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough

If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough

If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis

If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbour

If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette

If EAU can stand for O as in Plateau

Then the right way to spell POTATO should be:
"GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU"

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Just a couple of points concerning insects:

1...At the beginning of the summer I bought a can of fly and wasp killer because the old one was nearly used up. I haven't needed to use it at all, there have been so few insects in the house this year.

2...Concerning the outbreak of bluetongue disease in farm animals in Suffolk (it's spread by midges), so far, only one newsreader has mispronounced it as 'bluetooth.'

A Venezuelan man who had been declared dead woke up in the morgue in excruciating pain after medical examiners began their autopsy.

Carlos Camejo, 33, was declared dead after a highway accident and taken to the morgue, where examiners began an autopsy only to realize something was amiss when he started bleeding. They quickly sought to stitch up the incision on his face.

"I woke up because the pain was unbearable," Camejo said, according to a report on Friday in leading local newspaper El Universal.

His grieving wife turned up at the morgue to identify her husband's body only to find him moved into a corridor -- and alive.

Reuters could not immediately reach hospital officials to confirm the events. But Camejo showed the newspaper his facial scar and a document ordering the autopsy.

Q: How many Actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How does Bill Gates change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't, he declares darkness the industry standard.

Q: How many Born-again Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Whoever heard of a born-again Christian who couldn't see the light?

Q: How many Bureaucrats/civil servants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 2. One to screw it in and one to screw it up.

Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has burnt out.

Q: How many policemen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, lawyers only screw us.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. But it takes a long time, and the bulb has to really want to change.

Q: How many Real Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark

Q: How many Social workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just write a book called "Coping with Darkness".

Council to turn off street lights at night

A Yorkshire council has come up with a radical new way to save money - turning off the street lamps at night.

The idea is part of a 'sustainable street lighting strategy' to be considered by City of York Council's ruling executive, says the York Press.

Paul Thackray, the council's head of highway infrastructure, says it would minimise the use of natural resources, cut the energy used to power lights, and reduce light pollution.

His report says Essex County Council last year agreed a similar scheme to turn off many street lights between midnight and 5am.

That move had been criticised, but much of the opposition was "ill-informed", according to Mr Thackray.

Opposition Labour group leader David Scott said: "We have to approach with some caution. If I lived in a street where the lights went off, I do not think I would be particularly happy with that."

And Jane Mowat, of the Safer York Partnership, added: "Anything that impacted on that feeling of safety, we would be concerned about."

But council leader Steve Galloway vowed the executive would not support anything that would reduce public safety.

He said: "I know that members will sympathise with the thrust of the report which is aimed at reducing costs and the adverse environmental impacts of the lighting system."

A backwards poet writes inverse.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.
When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

I've never been a fan of the hyphen and only ever use it to help with clarity of understanding or pronunciation.

It's small. It's flat. It's black. And according to the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, its numbers are shrinking. Welcome to the world of the hyphen.
Having been around since at least the birth of printing, the hyphen is apparently enjoying a difficult time at the moment.
The sixth edition of the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary has knocked the hyphens out of 16,000 words, many of them two-word compound nouns. Fig-leaf is now fig leaf, pot-belly is now pot belly, pigeon-hole has finally achieved one word status as pigeonhole and leap-frog is feeling whole again as leapfrog.

The blame, as is so often the case, has been put at least in part on electronic communication. In our time-poor lifestyles, dominated by the dashed-off [or should that be dashed off or dashedoff] e-mail, we no longer have time to reach over to the hyphen key.
And English, being a language lacking any kind of governing body and instead relying on studies of usage, is changing to keep up.
Shorter OED editor Angus Stevenson doesn't want anybody to get angry over the hyphen's decline.
"We only reflect what people in general are reading. We have been tracking this for some time and we've been finding the hyphen is used less and less," he says.

"It will probably upset a few people but the point I would make is that we are only reflecting widespread everyday use. We are not saying it should be dropped completely."
Geoffrey Leech, emeritus professor of linguistics and English language at Lancaster University, agrees that there has been some decline in its use.
Data drawn from a wide range of publications taken in 1961 and 1991 suggested a 5% decline in hyphen usage over the three decades. He thinks e-mails may be part of the answer.
"When you are sending e-mails, and you have to type pretty fast, on the whole it's easier to type without hyphens. Ordinary people are not very conscious of the fact of whether they are putting hyphens or not."

Chris Robinson, who edits for Scottish Language Dictionaries and gives classes in advanced writing at the University of Edinburgh, says she has bigger grammatical fish to fry, with undergraduates often needing an explanation as to the difference between a noun and a verb and where to place a full stop.
"I tell my writing classes the hyphen is there to help the reader and to show either that two words are linked in some significant way or to add understanding in words like go-between and de-icing," she says.
"Language is always changing. It has to move with the times. There have to be conventions. There has to be a negotiated common ground but within that there's room for variation and a degree of creativity."
One battleground is the word e-mail itself. The likes of the BBC and the New York Times are fighting a valiant defence of the hyphen. But to much of the rest of the world, it's email.
With the hyphen, Mr Stevenson notes: "It's starting to look a lot like something your grandmother might write."

I've just had some good news; although when I first answered the phone I thought it wasn't. BT have just phoned me to inform me that my broadband usage charge is being reduced by £3 per month - I was worried that they were phoning me because I've been downloading a lot of TV episodes and films recently. Since my package includes BT Vision; the broadband TV package, I don't suppose I need worry about my increased usage.

Because BT Vision requires my wirless hub to be operating I can't access the service because my computer doesn't have a wireless card installed and I'm not sure how well it would work with Windows 98SE anyhow.

Still; even without BT Vision I'm able to watch plenty of live TV and download many films and on-demand TV episodes.

An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the
scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen.

With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the
floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.

There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of
energy, the old man reached for a cookie.

His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave
them alone, they're for the funeral!"

It was a stick up of a different kind for one Australian burglar, who broke into a neighbour's house and played sex games in the bathroom with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner.

A court in the northern city of Brisbane heard how 27 year old Jamie Lacey, high on drugs, broke into the house in September 2004, scattering pornographic magazines around the bathroom and making a sex toy from a bottle of detergent, a piece of wood and a rubber glove, the Brisbane Times reported.

Lacey was arrested in December 2006 after police matched DNA his DNA to that on the rubber glove, according to the Australian Associated Press.

A vacuum cleaner was also found in the bathroom, but the judge dismissed a defense submission that there was no proof the vacuum has been used for sexual purposes.

"I'm sure that your client didn't hoover the carpets," the newspaper and AAP quoted judge Tony Rafter as saying.

Lacey was sentenced to 12 months community service, with judge declining to send him to jail since he had held a steady job for two years and was now a father.

Couple divorce after online 'affair'

A Bosnian couple are getting divorced after finding out they had been secretly chatting each other up online under fake names.

Sana Klaric, 27, and husband Adnan, 32, from Zenica, poured out their hearts to each other over their marriage troubles, and both felt they had found their real soul mate.

The couple met on an online chat forum while he was at work and she in an internet cafe, and started chatting under the names Sweetie and Prince of Joy.

They eventually decided to meet up - but there was no happy ending when they realised what had happened.

Now they are both filing for divorce - with each accusing the other of being unfaithful.

Sana said: "I thought I had found the love of my life. The way this Prince of Joy spoke to me, the things he wrote, the tenderness in every expression was something I had never had in my marriage.

"It was amazing, we seemed to be stuck in the same kind of miserable marriages - and how right that turned out to be.

"We arranged to meet outside a shop and both of us would be carrying a single rose so we would know the other.

"When I saw my husband there with the rose and it dawned on me what had happened I was shattered. I felt so betrayed. I was so angry."

Adnan said: "I was so happy to have found a woman who finally understood me. Then it turned out that I hadn't found anyone new at all.

"To be honest I still find it hard to believe that the person, Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things to me on the internet, is actually the same woman I married and who has not said a nice word to me for years."

Just a quick thought.

Complete the following sentence:

Isaac Newton was sitting under an apple tree in the Garden of Eden...

A US man saved his own life when he crashed his car into a tree as he choked on an onion ring.

Bryan Rocco had blacked out but the force of the collision dislodged the food that was stuck in his throat.

Mr Rocco, 43, from Vineland, New Jersey, was not badly hurt in the crash, reports the Daily Journal.

"I was on my way back to the office and stopped at Burger King and bought a chicken sandwich and onion rings," he said.

"I started to choke on one of the onion rings and then I guess I just blacked out."

His company-owned Scion swerved and crossed the road, hit a kerb and then struck a tree.

"Next thing I knew, when I came back to," he said, "I was on my side, facing the opposite direction."

The air bag had apparently dislodged the bit of onion ring stuck in his throat.

"The whole thing caught me by surprise," he said. "I was going out, blacking out and then I'm awake."

Mr Rocco's boss, Dan Haer, said he had been emailing pictures of the crashed car to all of his friends.

"Bad news is, he crashed and most likely totaled the company-supplied 2006 Scion XB; good news is he didn't choke to death on his lunch," Mr Haer said.

Man, 72, refused alcohol over age

Staff say all customers are asked for proof of age
Supermarket staff refused to sell alcohol to a white-haired 72-year-old man - because he would not confirm he was over 21.
Check-out staff at Morrisons in West Kirby, Wirral, demanded Tony Ralls prove he was old enough to buy his two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon.

Mr Ralls asked to see the manager who put the wine back on the shelf.

The grandfather-of-three said he had refused to confirm he was over 21 as it was a "stupid question."

Mr Ralls, a retired insurance firm regional manager, said he expected the store manager to resolve the situation but he was disappointed.

"I felt like saying 'What do I look like? Are you a fool?'

"He picks up the wine and, in the manner of a child taking home his ball, says 'Well, we won't serve you'."

The pensioner abandoned his shopping on the conveyor belt and left the store - but not before demanding a complaints form and phone number for Morrisons' headquarters.

Mr Ralls said: "It is bureaucracy gone mad. If the check-out lady, who was about 40, had asked me with a twinkle in her eye perhaps I would not have been so tetchy.

"But she asked me the question with a perfectly straight face and I said I wouldn't dignify the question with an answer.

"And if the manager had explained that all the staff had to ask everyone because they had previously been fined, but said I was clearly over 21, it would have been fine - but he showed no sense of humour."

Mr Ralls added that he felt embarrassed to return to the supermarket and wanted an apology for "the stupid and unnecessary confrontation."

He added: "I applaud any efforts to stop kids being served and standing on street corners getting drunk. But this was just totally stupid."

A Morrisons spokesman said: "We take our responsibility with regard to selling alcohol very seriously and all our stores operate the Task 21 scheme, which addresses the difficulties our staff face in being able to determine if a customer is legally old enough to buy alcohol.

"To further limit any element of doubt staff at the West Kirby store are required to ask anyone buying alcohol to confirm that they are over 21."

My brother has been visiting. He still lives with our parents in Thurnscoe, the pit village where we both grew up and he's told me that today the Netto supermarket which is due to open next week is having a 'viewing day' whereby people can go and have a look at what the store is selling...but can't buy anything yet.

This is very strange; I've never come across anything like this before.

Man rescued as car hits buffalo

Firefighters cut a 19-year-old man free from his car after it crashed into a water buffalo in south Cumbria.
The Fiat Punto hit the large animal on the A590, near Dalton-in-Furness, on Monday night.

Police said the privately-owned buffalo, known locally as William Shakespeare, died at the scene. It had escaped from a nearby field.

The driver, from Barrow, was taken to Furness General Hospital and treated for minor injuries.

Two other cars, a Ford Focus and a Nissan Micra, collided after swerving to avoid the buffalo and the Fiat.

The Nissan's two occupants were taken to hospital where the female passenger was treated for whiplash.

A Cumbria Police spokesman said the buffalo had escaped from the field on previous occasions.

He said: "A water buffalo named William Shakespeare, who was very well known in the area, tragically sustained fatal injuries in the collision and died at the scene.

"Its owner is from the Walney area and it is believed to have escaped before.

"There will be a normal police investigation into the collision."

Yesterday I posted about my speaking in Yorkshire dialect and today I thought I'd list a few of the prominent features of the dialect I speak; which people call 'Tyke' or 'Broad Yorkshire.'

Features:

The ability to distinguish between the formal, colloquial and plural when using 'you' - there are also separate subject, object and possessive forms of all pronouns and also
altered forms when preceding a vowel.

The letter aitch is never pronounced.

Most vowel sounds are pronounced significantly different to Standard English.

Much of the vocabulary is derived from Old Norse.

The letter 'l' is much more frequently not pronounced than in Standard English - examples are 'soldier', 'cold' and 'shoulder'.

A separate recounting tense.

Quite often the definite article isn't used.

Some verbs have different [more archaic] past tenses.

All words ending in 'ing' are pronounced as though they end in 'in' - this certainly isn't unique to the Yorkshire dialect.