Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

English has to be one of the hardest languages to understand. Read the paragraph below and try to understand the meaning.

Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic
protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical
structure; Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self
rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.

In plain English what does this translate to?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after!

Yesterday I completed proofreading the first twenty pages of my friend's autobiography; and to be honest, it isn't very good. Not only are there plenty of spelling mistakes (because he's used a spellchecker, the words are spelled correctly - it's just that they're the wrong words), but at times the grammar is rather ambiguous.

Basically, it's therapeutic writing. He's still got a lot of issues going back to his childhood that he needs to settle...but it doesn't make his writing style particularly interesting. They are important issues he is discussing; they're not just personal ramblings, but the text reads like an academic report, or possibly a transcript of an interview.

When I hand him the envelope on Friday, I'll not be going out of my way to pass any comments.

A Devon mum won £1.3million on the Lottery - because she forgot how old her son was.

Janet Baddick, 49, always uses numbers representing family ages and important dates, reports The Sun.

One was the age of son Darren, a chef, who turned 27 last month.

But Janet, a pharmaceutical technician from Braunton, forgot to change the number and picked 26, along with 1, 17, 24, 30, and 49 for last Wednesday's draw.

All six numbers came in and she split a £2.6m jackpot and was presented with a cheque for £1,298,223.

She said: "We are gobsmacked. It hasn't sunk in yet. All our numbers mean something to us and I update them as our lives change.

"But I've been a bit forgetful recently, probably due to age, and I forgot to change Darren's birthday on the ticket."

Husband Nick, 53, also a pharmaceutical worker, said: "She rushed upstairs in a right state when she realised we'd won. I thought one of our dogs had died."

The couple, whose second son Chris is 24, plan to splash out on cars and a holiday in Florida.