Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

I've been dealing with bureaucrats all morning. First thing I had an appointment at the jobcentre and then had to queue to see someone about my Housing Benenfit.

When I got home I needed to phone up Reed In Partnership (training providers) and then phone a different department at the jobcentre, and then wait for them to phone me back.

I think everything's sorted now. I'm going to prepare some lunch/dinner and then have a lie down.

Endurance car kissing contest

A 27-year-old Chinese woman won the chance to buy a car for the equivalent of 6p by kissing it for more than 24 hours.

A shopping mall in Beijing invited people to kiss six Chevrolet cars with the one lasting the longest being given the chance to buy the car for just one yuan.

The cars, parked in the lobby of the Xizhimen Jiamao Shopping Centre, had plastic nipples attached to them, reports the Beijing News.

Participants had to kiss the nipples without touching the car. They were allowed a ten minute break every seven hours.

More than 400 people applied to take part in the game, but only 120 were selected, since each car had only 20 nipples.

After 24 hours, there were still 28 participants left so the mall introduced new rules requiring them to stand on one foot with their hand behind their back.

The final winner was Zhang Cunying who was so tired by the end of the ordeal that she could not stand up unaided.

She said: "I was learning dancing, so the body flexibility helped a lot. But the main winning factor was my faith."

The young couple are on honeymoon. After a few hours of exhausting great sex he says, "Now you won't see me for a while."

"We're on our honeymoon!" she exclaims. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Nowhere, Sweetie," he says. "Please turn over."