Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

A veteran Austrian burglar was acquitted after a court agreed he was too experienced to have committed the crime was accused of.

Ernst Stummer, 69, was charged with breaking into a shop in Vienna and stealing £600 worth of goods after police found his DNA on a pair of pliers left at the scene.

But lawyers for Stummer, who has 18 previous convictions for burglary, persuaded the court that it was too poor a burglary to be the work of their client.

Roland Friis, Stummer's lawyer, said: "He is experienced enough to never break into a building secured by an alarm.

"Also, no halfway reasonable burglar would use such needle nose pliers for a job, and my client would have surely worn gloves. In fact it is almost an insult to accuse him of such a dilettante approach."

Stummer said: "The pliers are probably mine but I have a lot of pliers and a lot of tools which I sometimes lend to not very reliable people. I think someone committed the crime using my pliers - but it wasn't me."

World chessboxing champ crowned

A German policeman has been crowned world champion of the hybrid sport of chessboxing.

Bouts are composed of a maximum of 11 alternating rounds of chess and boxing, reports the Daily Telegraph.

After parrying American David 'Double D' Depto's punches, Frank Stoldt clinched the light-heavyweight title with a checkmate in the seventh round.

The match was fought in front of 1,200 raucous fans in Berlin in what is being touted as the ultimate in physical and mental combat.

The bout was organised by the World Chess Boxing Organisation which has the slogan: "Fighting is done in the ring and wars are waged on the board."

The rules of the game are simple. Checkmates or knock-outs result in instant victory. Fighters also triumph if the boxing match is stopped by the referee, or if their opponent times-out at the chess board.

If there is no winner after 11 rounds of punching and castling, victory is awarded to the fighter with the most points in the boxing ring.

The sport has already developed a strong following in central and eastern Europe, and the WCBO plans to expand its appeal next year with exhibition events in Los Angeles, Paris, Prague, Zurich and Moscow.

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''
''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.
So he ate them and said, ''These taste like sh*t.''
''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''