Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

John and Nancy decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their six-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plans into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot." He said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Smiths have company," he called out, "Matt is riding a new bike and the Sanders are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

Tourism officials have been slammed for featuring an axe wielding serial killer on a children's Christmas advent calendar.

They defended the move by saying mass murderer Fritz Haarmann was part of the German city of Hanover's history.

The calendar is already on sale at tourism offices and shows children singing Xmas carols and laughing as Santa hands out Xmas gifts - and the Star of Bethlehem twinkles over the rooftops.

But over the first door of the calendar, a trilby wearing man peaks out from behind a tree with a meat cleaver in his left hand.

Haarmann killed 24 young men by chopping up their corpses and dumping their remains in the local river Leine. He appears on the calendar hiding behind a tree on the banks of the river.

Haarmann stalked the city more than 80 years ago and his victims were aged between 13 and 20. He was sentenced to death and beheaded in 1925.

Head of the Hanover tourism board, Hans-Christian Nolte, has defended the calendar, saying: "He is part of our city's history. Even on guided tours the serial killer's story is told."

An Italian investigation into a series of unexplained fires in fridges, televisions and mobile phone is blaming aliens.

It concluded that the responsibility for the fires in Canneto di Caronia on Sicily may lie with "aliens testing secret weapons".

The village was the centre of world attention three years ago after residents reported everyday household objects bursting into flames.

Dozens of experts including scientists, electrical engineers and military experts, arrived in the village to investigate. One scientist reported seeing an unplugged electrical cable burst into flames.

Arson was ruled out while locals blamed supernatural forces and the Vatican's chief exorcist Father Gabriele Amorth suggested it was Satan's work.

The report, by the Civil Protection Department, was ordered by the Italian government and brought together dozens of experts including a NASA scientist.

According to leaked copies, the fires were "caused by high -power electromagnetic emissions which were not man-made and reached a power of between 12 and 15 gigawatts".

The report details a possible UFO landing close to the village after "burnt imprints which have not been explained were found in a field".

Francesco Mantegna Venerando, Sicily's Civil Protection chief who co-ordinated the report, said: "We are not saying little green men from Mars started the fires, but that unnatural forces capable of creating a large amount of electromagnetic energy were responsible.

"This is just one possibility. We are also looking at another one which involves the testing of top-secret weapons by an unknown power which are also capable of producing an enormous amount of energy."

There is a town in Maryland called Accident. It sits on a major state highway linking western Maryland with the rest of the state. On the approach to the town is a road sign that doubles as a warning and is always true, no matter what the traffic condition. The sign says: ACCIDENT AHEAD