@ 16 Dec. 2007 – 10:05:21
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.
Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A subordinate claus.
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
@ 16 Dec. 2007 – 09:08:57
1. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
2. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No-one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A good landing is one from which you can walk away. A great landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Good judgement comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgement.
14. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.
15. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
@ 16 Dec. 2007 – 07:07:07
One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
"Where's Eve?" He asked.
"Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed.
This happens every month or so." "So where is she?" asked God.
"Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam.
"Damn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish."
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