Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

St John's Wood is the only London tube station that doesn't contain one of the letters of the word 'mackerel'.

Cinderella is now nearly 70 years old. After having a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair watching the world go by from her front porch with a cat called Gizmo for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?” The Fairy Godmother replies “Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”
Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. “I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.” Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Cinderella said “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!” The Fairy Godmother replied “It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?” Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again.” At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother spoke again “You have one more wish, what shall you have?” Cinderella looked over to Gizmo, who was now quivering in the corner with fear. “I wish for you to transform my old cat, Gizmo, into a beautiful and handsome young man.” Magically, Gizmo suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make up, that when he stood before her, he was a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother said “Congratulations Cinderella! Enjoy your new life.” With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a few moments, Gizmo and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.
Then Gizmo walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his muscular arms. He leant close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, “I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don’t you?”

British doctors have made a tongue-in-cheek complaint to a chocolate manufacturer after the firm changed the shape of two sweets that could be used to measure testicles in pubescent boys.
The problem focuses on wrapped chocolates called Teasers and Truffles, whose 8mm oval shape was a dead ringer for a bead used in an orchidometer -- a gadget that measures testes to ensure they are developing normally.
But Teasers' and Truffles' unusual contribution to public health is now doomed after their manufacturer, Masterfoods UK, changed the shape of the chocs, leaving them bigger and flat-bottomed.
"This is a major setback to paediatric endocrinology," say Gareth Williams of the medical faculty at Bristol University and Poonam Dharmaraj, a paediatrician at the Royal Victoria Infirmary, Newcastle.
"Clearly, the original design should be reinstated.
"With skilful marketing, this could play to the manufacturer's advantage: by including a simple package insert with clear, easy-to-feel instructions, young males could self-evaluate their pubertal status (while pointing out that this should ideally not be done at the point of sale)."
It would provide "a rare opportunity for the chocolate industry to become palpably involved in public-health promotion," suggest the pair.
Their letter appears in the end-of-the-year issue of the British Medical Journal (BMJ), a traditional moment for publishing humorous items in the medical profession.