Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

For several years I used to regularly watch Frickley Athletic (at Westfield Lane, South Elmsall) and during that time I witnessed a few unusual sights.

- A goal scored direct from a corner.
- A match which went to extra time and then penalties. When it came to the penalties, both teams were level after five attempts and the deadlock couldn't be broken either after every player had taken a kick in the sudden death stage. The referee had to phone up the regional F.A. headquarters in Sheffield to find out what should happen next: should the whole sequence be repeated with the players taking their penalties in the same order, or should things start from scratch again? I can't remember now what the outcome was though.
- A friendly game of three periods of thirty minutes due to the hot weather.
- Supporters of the away team bringing several dead birds to throw at each other.
- The referee showing a yellow card to a spectator for swearing.