Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

I'll be forty six years old on my next birthday. Most men of my age are showing advanced signs of baldness, but not me; my hair is as thick as it's ever been - and still a bloody nuisance…but I'm showing a few gray hairs around my temples. My major gripe with my hair though is that it's starting to sprout everywhere; inside my ears and nostrils, on the backs of my fingers and the tops of my toes, on my chest and back and even up the crack of my arse.

A medieval cathedral in Spain's Mediterranean port of Valencia has installed two indoor traffic lights to help control the influx of visitors expected during Holy Week which begins on Sunday.
The traffic lights were placed at the bottom of the 207 steps of Valencia Cathedral's octagonal bell tower, which offers sweeping views of the city, as well as at the top of the staircase, the cathedral said on its website.
The traffic lights were set up earlier this month "to avoid jams between the groups of people who climb and descend the stairs of the bell tower" and are controlled either manually or automatically with sensors, it added.

1. It occasionally blocks the sun, alarming the citizenry and curtailing our solar energy supply. This is clearly a threat to our national security.

2. Despite all our best efforts, including several direct visits, it has never responded to any attempts at communication. Silence is ominous.

3. There is nothing visible on the surface, so there must be something hidden underground (e.g., a uranium enrichment plant).

4. There is no good reason to believe that the Moon doesn't have large reserves of oil.

5. The Moon is always in an ideal position to launch a devastating missile strike anywhere on planet Earth.

6. It is not a member of the U.N., nor a signatory of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

7. It is largely responsible for our tides. This cannot be a coincidence.

8. It is almost certainly not a Christian moon (and it surely looks God-forsaken).

9. It's a great place to harbour terrorists: remote, forbidding, lots of craters to hide in.

10. Our trade deficit with the Moon is exactly zero.