Minimalist poet, minimalist lifestyle

I had a new eating experience yesterday - dark chocolate with lemon essence and a touch of black pepper - absolutely delicious.

Your horn sticks on the motorway behind 32 Hell's Angels.
The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.
You call the Samaritans and they put you on hold.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
You realise that you just sprayed Pledge under your arms instead of deodorant.
You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humour is putting super glue in your Hemmoroid cream.
You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
You start to search for the clothes you wore home from the party last night....... and there aren't any.
It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that you just bought a waterbed.
Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue.
Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.
Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume... and she isn't wearing any.
You need one bathroom scale for each foot.
You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front doorstep.
The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one has touched it.
Nothing you own is actually paid for.
You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, night porter, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.
You receive a 150 page instruction booklet on how to save money...from the electric company.
Airline food starts to taste good.
Your mother approves of the person you are dating.
Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chips.
You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.
You realise that you have memorised the back of your cereal box.
Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.
Everyone loves your driving licence picture.
You realise that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is yours.
Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
People think you are 40...and you really are.
Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." and you remember that you were home by yourself.
Everyone is laughing but you.